This past weekend, I had the immense pleasure of spending a day in the beautiful Charleston, SC. From the second we entered the city, I was blown away. The architecture was beautiful, and the beach was stunning - a true, Southern, beach town. With the sun shining and the birds chirping, it wasn't hard to see why people seemed to flock to the city. I mean, just look at those beautiful homes! With brunch places, ice cream shops, and bars galore - what more could you need? If you haven't been there, drop what you're doing and go. Now.
For those of you who did not stop reading to go buy a plane ticket, I have to tell you - this post is not about Charleston. It's a two hour drive from my family's house where I was staying, and as you can imagine, a long car ride allows for plenty of conversation. One of the topics that came up was the casual topic of discovering God's plan for our lives. It stemmed from discussing the bond I formed with my students last year, and my friend's desire to keep with the work for years to come - a goal she had not originally intended, and one much less "successful" than what she could be doing. We talked about how God's plan for our life may not be what our plan is. God's plan for our life may not look the way we think it should. God's plan for our life might include sacrifice, because He has a bigger plan for us than we had for ourselves. This is a topic I tend to struggle with. In fact, I have been praying about it for months. It would be decieving to say that God's plan for our life is always clear, and that our path always seems straight, and following God is like a compass that takes us right where we need to be without any off-roading or getting lost. So I listened to the conversation, but kept thinking, "If only it were that simple." Like many others, I'm sure, my heart is drawn to many things and many places. I have various goals that do not relate, some of which would be more "successful" than others, some of which may be more fulfilling for my soul. This, I am positive, is not a struggle only I have. So how do we know which is God's plan, when our hearts are unsure? How do we know which path to follow? Unfortunately, this is not a post telling you how to figure it out. Because I have no idea, despite months on end of prayer and reflection. Back home this morning, I did my routine bible study. Sitting in the morning sun, listening to the birds sing, I read Jesus' wods - "Follow me." "I am the Light," He said, and those who "walk in the light will never walk in darkness." What a beautiful promise. What a beautiful calling. But, again, I prayed, "God I don't know what that means for me. I want to follow You, but I just don't know how." Sitting there, feeling dismayed, I heard God answer me - "I have already told you how." And He showed me. When I ask, "Lord, what is to come of my life?" He responds, "Do not be anxious." Phillipians 4:6 When I say, "God, I can't continue." He tells me, "Rest in Me. I will make your burdens light." Matthew 11:30 When I do not know which path to follow, He commands me, "Live generously." Matthew 5:42 When I cry, "Lord this person does not belong in my life!" He reminds me, "Love one another." John 13:34 And when I pray for months, and long for answers, and feel so alone, He promises, "Never will I leave you nor forsake you - til the very end of age." Matthew 28:20 And that is the most beautiful promise of all.
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I remember, when I was little, I wanted more than anything to be a star - one of those acting, singing, dancing Disney Channel stars. I wanted to be on television, and perform in front of crowds. I would sing and dance in my room. I would write plays for me and my friends (starring myself, of course). I attended drama camp, I was on competitive dance teams. More than anything - I wanted this. One day, a family member lovingly implied that this dream may be... less than realistic. He didn't want me to get disappointed, he said (Very well intentioned, sound advice I can now appreciate as an adult). This did, however, fuel the opposite response. Instead of taking it to heart and focusing on something more realistic, this comment did less than discourage me. In fact, I became more determined than ever. I would sit and watch television, and I had a journal - every time I saw a child actor (which was a lot, by the way, since I was basically only watching Disney Channel... so maybe not the most representative sample) I would put a tally mark. I was going to prove them all wrong. I was going to show them how many kids did make it, and that I could make it too. I mean, I really believed in myself. Eventually, of course, I did grow out of that dream. I went from that to dreaming of being a teacher, to an astronaut, to a bus driver (don't ask..), to an author, to a business executive, to a small-business owner. The point is, I had dreams. I had dreams that I really believed in. I had dreams that I really believed in myself to accomplish. Kids' minds are beautiful that way. Unfortunately, I also eventually grew out of the confidence as well. As I was talking with my boyfriend tonight about how intimidating my fellow students can be, and how discouraged I get when comparing myself, and how I am scared to apply to these awesome positions because I am scared to get rejected, a problem I know is not unique to me... a question entered my head - when did we stop believing fervently in my dreams? When did we start comparing ourselves to others, and deciding we're not as good? When did we lose faith in ourselves? As kids, we dream and we believe in ourselves. As adults, we lose that. Just think how remarkable our lives would be if we dared to dream a little bigger, without holding back from fear of disappointment. Just think how much we would impress ourselves if we had the audacity to believe that we could actually accomplish those big dreams, instead of shrinking ourselves, or writing ourselves off. Imagine how far we would get if our hope fueled our work - and we worked and worked and worked until we accomplished our dreams, instead of giving up and just settling because it seems too hard, or "it's just not in the cards." At what point in our lives are we taught that dreaming is foolish? At what point in our lives are we taught to dissuade ourselves because of the embarrassment of failure? I don't know how to change this, friends. It's a personal journey that we all have to take. But I know the world would be a much more beautiful place if we all held on to that confidence we had as a child that, with work, we could be whatever we want to be, whether it be an actress, or an astronuat, or even a bus driver. "Do not ask, 'what does the world need?' Ask, 'what makes me come alive?' and then go do that. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive." Howard Thurman. Friends,
I just wrote an entire heart-felt post about self-love and acceptance through your New Years resolutions, and it's gone. And while I do believe those are important things to talk about, I want to take this fresh start as a chance to be a little more vulnerable. This morning I was sitting in the sunroom, looking out at the frost-covered grass, drinking exquisite french-pressed coffee, watching the birds flutter around with my journal in front of me and... nothing. No inspiration, nada. In fact, this is not new. My journal entries all seem to be the same lately, with little bursts of creative thinking and deep ponderings. But why? I asked myself. Why are words and poems not flooding into my head as they used to? Why have I nothing to share with the world, let alone myself? And then it came to me - because I am scared. Once you put something out into the universe, it's real. My mind has been troubled by a personal dilemma for weeks, and I kept it in because I knew once I said it I could no longer pretend it wasn't important and it was going to go away. I was scared of that - because I wanted it to not be important and for it to go away. But that's not how life works. I haven't been able to write lately because I haven't wanted to be vulnerable. I have been scared of being vulnerable, of admitting my shortcomings and even more so, sharing them with the world. But where has that gotten me? To a place so dull and uninspired I don't even recognize myself anymore. So this is me, sharing this, and publicly vowing to not be afraid of sharing my truths or my feelings, and urging you to do the same. I have been uninspired in my creative life, and in my professional life - because I do not want to put myself out there. Because I am scared of not being good enough. Because I am scared of failing. But where has that gotten me? Absolutely no where. Still in the same place I was months ago. And that, my friends, is no way to live. Be it in your personal, creative, social, or professional life, I urge you to join me on this journey of vulnerability, of putting yourself out there, and being open to what comes. I promise - the result will be a more beautiful, rich, fulfilled life. Don't deny yourselves that, friends. You owe it to yourselves to enter this year giving it all you got, showing the world who you are, and just going for it. It's January. It's the perfect time to start. Let's make this the year we no longer hide our truths, we no longer dim our own lights, we no longer shrink ourselves. We have things to offer the world; let's go out there and show them! "The world is full of people who will try to shrink you. Don't be one of them." |
AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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