I need to apologize. I need to apologize to all the girls I have called vain because they posted a selfie. I need to apologize to the ones where I've written them off as insecure, or desperate for attention, or worse. And I need to apologize to all women, for playing into a dialog in which women are yet again not celebrated. Friends, I have had a change of heart, and I am ashamed I ever felt differently. Maybe I didn't understand. Or, more likely, maybe I was jealous. I was jealous of the comments, or the confidence, or the looks. I was self-righteous, ready to look down on and judge any woman who decided it was necessary to post selfie after selfie. Deciding I was better than them, because I didn't need to do that to feel beautiful, I went on with my life, holding myself on my invisible self-given, and unearned pedestal - and for that I am truly sorry. Instead, I should have been contributing to the movement of women celebrating themselves, and other women. In a society like ours, it can be hard to catch a break - we're never this enough, or that enough - too this, not enough that. As women, it feels like we can never win. So, why then, when a girl is feeling herself and wants to share her look with the world, are we so quick to judge and dismiss it? We can't be doing this, ladies. Selfie-culture is one in which we have the opportunity not only to grow as individuals (because let me tell you, it takes some guts to put pictures of yourself on the internet), but also collectively. Thanks to social media and the internet, we have been given this new chance to publicly celebrate one another, and build eachother up. The media, the fashion industry, men, all tell us we aren't good enough. It's time we tell them we are. It's time we fight back and say, hey, look at me, I look good and I know it. It's time we tell them they can't make us feel bad about ourselves anymore - this is us, and we're proud of it. It's time we stop judging other girls for their selfies, but cheer them on instead. Maybe selfie-culture breeds vanity, but maybe that's not so bad. It's about time women start feeling happy with their looks, and it's about time we start feeling happy for them. The jealousy, the pettiness, it's gotta go - those are toxic to the mission of creating a culture in which we celebrate eachother. We need eachother, ladies. Let's cheer eachother on, instead of tearing eachother down. They all tell us we aren't good enough. It's time we tell them we are. It's time we fight back and say, hey, look at me, I look good and I know it. It's time we tell them they can't make us feel bad about ourselves anymore - this is us, and we're proud of it. Lady friends, you are beautiful. You deserve to be told that. You deserve the space to be free to celebrate yourself. It's healthy; it's necessary.
Join me on a journey in which we say, #Ilovemyselfie. We are beautiful. And we are not ashamed to think so.
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It's Easter Sunday, and I think we need to talk about this.
As I have been studying my bible, and reflecting on this story of Easter these past few days, God consistently reminds me of his amazing grace, and amazing power. I am in love with the story of Easter, because I am in love with Jesus. For non-believers, or luke-warm believers even, it's tempting to say that Easter is a good story, maybe even a little odd. A man dying and rising again to save us from our sins, which separate us from an unseen God? I get it. It sounds a little wacky. Which, I think, is what makes it all the more beautiful. Easter relies on Faith. Simple as that. While there are historic pieces of writing which document Jesus' death and appearance afterwards, it can be a little tough to wrap your head around. And I believe God intended it to be that way. It's a demonstration of power, the likes of which we have never seen. The Lord longs for our hearts to trust Him as children do (Matthew 28:3). The Lord longs for us to read His word, meditate our hearts on it, and rely on faith for that which our human brains cannot quite comprehend. The Lord Jesus died for our sins, and He longs for you to believe that. But it gets more beautiful - though the story of Easter relies on faith, God does not leave us to find this faith for ourselves. Instead, Jesus lies it out perfectly through His lifetime. Through His miracles and teachings, Jesus demonstrates his power, and His credibility. What He says comes to pass always - we have a foundation on which to take Him at His word. Not to mention the Lord God has shared with us the entirety of the teachings of the Old Testament, all of which lead to Jesus (Luke 24:25-27). God does not leave us to fend for ourselves. We have His teachings, and we have His spirit living within us. The more time we spend in our bibles and in prayer, the more He reveals to us the true magnitude of the beauty of Easter. But here's what really gets me - Easter is the culimination of our Faith, correct? The entire old testament, all of the gospels - everything leads up to this moment when Jesus, because of His love for us, defeats sin and conquers worldly death. It's what they (and we) had all been waiting for - perhaps the most selfless act of love and sacrifice, one which altered the course of our History, and literally allows us to spend eternity with the Father (Ephesians 1:7), but it's, what... 2 pages? Of the entire bible, the holy crucifiction and resurrection is just the short little blurb at the end of the gospels. What a beautiful act of humility - one in which God places the emphasis on supporting His claims through stories of good works and teachings, so we need not much more for Easter. This was Jesus' purpose on Earth, the one which the ENTIRE bible leads up to, and just like that, it's over. He gave us no more than what is necessary, so that our hearts could learn to take what He has aleady given us and trust Him more. (also, shout out to God for using women in His great purposes (Luke 24:1-3)! They were the first ones to find the empty tomb, an act that completely defies cultural norms, and represents the inclusion God has for women in the church. They came to honor Him, and through that all women were honored in return.) Here's the thing: if you do not believe in Jesus, or His mighty works and love, Easter is not going to blow you away. But if you do, it should. The one true God came to earth, lived a sinless life, yet was pierced for OUR transgressions, so we may spend eternity with our Heavenly Father (Isaiah 53:5). The wages of sin is death, the bible is clear about that. Jesus paid that price for us. And that is amazing. So let's not take this for granted. Let's spend more time in His word, reading what He has to say, listening as He speaks to our hearts. Let's not get caught up in the tradition of Easter that we forget the beauty of it. Easter is a beautiful time - one full of grace and mercy, as well as love and power. For the sacrifice we honor today, let us all be consistently grateful. 5 short words. 5 seemingly harmless words. 5 deceitfully damaging words. We say them when we are trying to be playful, or flirty even. We say them on dates, we say them over the phone. We say them because we are trying to be humble, or cute, or make the other person feel good, or a multitude of different things women have to try to be and do. And we need to stop saying them. Now. "You're too good to me." I want all the ladies to take a minute and think about the last time they said these words, or almost said them. Mine was today. When my boyfriend complimented me. "What a humble, playful response," I thought initially. But I want you to think about that. And I want you to think about the situations in which you've said it.... Truly, truly think about it. My partner of a year complimented me, something a partner should do, something which he does every day. And what is my response...? You're too good to me?? WHAT. This phrase is harmful in so many ways, and here's why: 1. It discredits your value to the other person. When someone does something nice for you, and you say something like, "you're too good to me," you are inadvertently telling them that you are not worthy of what they are doing - that you do not deserve their affection. Of course this may not always seem like what is happening, because its effects may not be seen immediately, or ever in a direct way, but responding in this manner creates an environment in which you have put yourself below not only the other person, but below the line of being worthy of their love. Let me tell you, sister, you are more than worthy of their compliments, and gifts, and affection. You are not lesser, and you are not undeserving. Don't present yourself that way. 2. It discredits your value to yourself. Additionally, you are not only telling the other person that you are not worthy, you are telling yourself. And though you may write this off as just something you say, not something you mean, when you hear something enough times - you believe it. That's science. If you are constantly living in a reality in which you tell yourself that you are lesser, it's a slippery slope before this sentiment creeps into your every day life and soon becomes something even you believe sometimes. Ladies, we struggle enough with others telling us we aren't good enough - don't be one of those voices. In the same way we should be lifting others up, we must also encourage ourselves, and believe in ourselves. We are our biggest cheerleaders - don't discredit yourself. 3. It furthers society's misguided view on women. It's unattractive to be "full of yourself," or "being humble means never flaunting your strengths" - things we hear all the time, if only in our own brains. Such an ingrained part of our culture - women MUST be humble, and humility is... frankly, never accepting a compliment. Come on girl, when someone tells you that you look beautful in a picture, chances are you already know or you wouldn't have posted it. Someone brings you a surprise coffee or cookie, well that was a nice thing for them to do and they just made your day. Tell them that. Don't pretend that you don't know when you're looking good, or doing good, or feeling good. It's okay to say... drumroll please... a simple, "thank you." Obviously, you (most likely) were not intending these things when you said those words, nor are you a bad person because you did. But we need to examine this. Why is our first response one that makes us seem smaller, and unworthy of being loved the right way? Why is our so-often-go-to playful response one that inhibits ourselves from seeing our own value? Because we have been conditioned to think that way, and we have been wrongfully made to believe that it's okay. Our avoidance of the "Thank you" is toxic to our relationships and ourselves. It interferes with others' comfort levels in loving you the way they have been trying to. It makes the actions, or words, seem unappreciated and unnecessary while providing an ego boost that is severely misplaced. Here's the hard truth - people who love you should be nice to you. They do not deserve to be put on a pedestal for that. And a kind "thank you" demonstrates that you acknowledge their kindness, and that it is appreciated. It places value on their action, without taking value away from yourself. Look, ladies, I know you didn't mean harm when you said it. And I don't blame you. I get it, I have to actively stop myself from saying it. But let's shift. Let's be intentional with our language. Let's be intentional on creating a culture that not only recognizes women but values them. And let's start with ourselves. So the next time someone does something nice for you, or says something nice about you, or whatever it is it may be - try "thank you." And see your world shift from one in which you tell yourself that you are unworthy of affection, to one that you see your value, and are unashamed to acknowledge that, all the while loving the other person back through the acknowledgement of their kindness. People who love you should be nice to you. They do not deserve to be put on a pedestal for that. |
AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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