I once read a quote that said: "that which you are most afraid to write, write that."
Well... this is that. There are a few topics I have some ideas about, but I can't bring myself to write just to write. I write because I have something to say. I write because I feel things, and I feel the need to share them. I write because my heart feels everything deeply... everything, and it needs an outlet. And this is it. I have lost a lot of relationships in my life - romantic, or otherwise. A lot of friendships have fallen apart, or drifted away. There are people I thought I could count on that let me down, and I know there are people that thought they could count on me, only to be let down. There are chapters in my life that have closed because I wanted them to, and others that were shut in my face. There have been things I wanted and people I've missed so deeply I could feel it in my bones. There are people I have hurt, and people who have hurt me. There are times I have been selfish, and others I have been giving. There are times I have been serious, and others I have just been having fun. I know, though, that no one's heart is an object to just have fun with. No one's heart deserves to be toyed with, including mine. While many relationships have ended, very few have ended explosively. Most have simply faded. Others... just weren't right. I have been reflecting on this quite a bit recently. I am grateful for the ones I love, and those who love me. We, as a culture, do not appreciate this enough. We do not appreciate time we have together enough, until we no longer have it. We do not appreciate the power of kind words until we no longer receive them. We do not appreciate the laughter, the love, the hugs until they fade away. Upon reflection, these are a few lessons I have learned from my broken relationships. 1. Be kind. 2. Let things go. 3. Linger. 4. Get off your phone. 5. Make time to do things. They are simple lessons. They are simple actions. But they are not ones we do. We are quick to pick fights when others don't see things our way. We are quick to get angry when our high expectations aren't met, and quick to forget the other person is just a person too. We are quick to hold on to this anger, and lose hours of time because of it. The energy we spend being angry is energy we cannot spend loving. The two cannot exist together. We are quick to be annoyed when someone acts differently than we do. We are quick to be irritated when someone cannot read our mind. We are quick to assume we are right. We always assume we are right. Sometimes we are. But the energy we spend being angry is energy we cannot spend loving. The two cannot exist together. We are quick to rush off, to do the next thing. We are quick to pay our bill and go to the movies. We are quick to clean the kitchen after a meal. We are quick to hang up the phone when the conversation runs dry. Linger a little longer next time. There is beauty in just being. There is joy in staying to finish your coffee. There is peace in stillness. We are quick to assume we will have time later to be together. That's the problem - we always think we have time. We spend our time together apart, with our heads in our phones. We lose so much time together even when we are together. We lose conversations. We lose time to linger. We lose that time. The worst part is, we choose to lose that time. We choose our phones over our loved ones. We are quick to assume we will have time later to be together. That's the problem - we always think we have time. We do not make an effort to experience things together. Life is made of experiences, and we actively choose not to pursue them. We miss out on memories to talk about for a life time. We must be intentional about making these memories. They are the glue that holds us. They are our reference point when things are going south. We are quick to assume we will have time later to be together. That's the problem - we always think we have time. We must love our loved ones. We must be intentional about loving our loved ones. Too many relationships end. Too many people fade away. Too many hearts break. We must love our loved ones.
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5 short words. 5 seemingly harmless words. 5 deceitfully damaging words. We say them when we are trying to be playful, or flirty even. We say them on dates, we say them over the phone. We say them because we are trying to be humble, or cute, or make the other person feel good, or a multitude of different things women have to try to be and do. And we need to stop saying them. Now. "You're too good to me." I want all the ladies to take a minute and think about the last time they said these words, or almost said them. Mine was today. When my boyfriend complimented me. "What a humble, playful response," I thought initially. But I want you to think about that. And I want you to think about the situations in which you've said it.... Truly, truly think about it. My partner of a year complimented me, something a partner should do, something which he does every day. And what is my response...? You're too good to me?? WHAT. This phrase is harmful in so many ways, and here's why: 1. It discredits your value to the other person. When someone does something nice for you, and you say something like, "you're too good to me," you are inadvertently telling them that you are not worthy of what they are doing - that you do not deserve their affection. Of course this may not always seem like what is happening, because its effects may not be seen immediately, or ever in a direct way, but responding in this manner creates an environment in which you have put yourself below not only the other person, but below the line of being worthy of their love. Let me tell you, sister, you are more than worthy of their compliments, and gifts, and affection. You are not lesser, and you are not undeserving. Don't present yourself that way. 2. It discredits your value to yourself. Additionally, you are not only telling the other person that you are not worthy, you are telling yourself. And though you may write this off as just something you say, not something you mean, when you hear something enough times - you believe it. That's science. If you are constantly living in a reality in which you tell yourself that you are lesser, it's a slippery slope before this sentiment creeps into your every day life and soon becomes something even you believe sometimes. Ladies, we struggle enough with others telling us we aren't good enough - don't be one of those voices. In the same way we should be lifting others up, we must also encourage ourselves, and believe in ourselves. We are our biggest cheerleaders - don't discredit yourself. 3. It furthers society's misguided view on women. It's unattractive to be "full of yourself," or "being humble means never flaunting your strengths" - things we hear all the time, if only in our own brains. Such an ingrained part of our culture - women MUST be humble, and humility is... frankly, never accepting a compliment. Come on girl, when someone tells you that you look beautful in a picture, chances are you already know or you wouldn't have posted it. Someone brings you a surprise coffee or cookie, well that was a nice thing for them to do and they just made your day. Tell them that. Don't pretend that you don't know when you're looking good, or doing good, or feeling good. It's okay to say... drumroll please... a simple, "thank you." Obviously, you (most likely) were not intending these things when you said those words, nor are you a bad person because you did. But we need to examine this. Why is our first response one that makes us seem smaller, and unworthy of being loved the right way? Why is our so-often-go-to playful response one that inhibits ourselves from seeing our own value? Because we have been conditioned to think that way, and we have been wrongfully made to believe that it's okay. Our avoidance of the "Thank you" is toxic to our relationships and ourselves. It interferes with others' comfort levels in loving you the way they have been trying to. It makes the actions, or words, seem unappreciated and unnecessary while providing an ego boost that is severely misplaced. Here's the hard truth - people who love you should be nice to you. They do not deserve to be put on a pedestal for that. And a kind "thank you" demonstrates that you acknowledge their kindness, and that it is appreciated. It places value on their action, without taking value away from yourself. Look, ladies, I know you didn't mean harm when you said it. And I don't blame you. I get it, I have to actively stop myself from saying it. But let's shift. Let's be intentional with our language. Let's be intentional on creating a culture that not only recognizes women but values them. And let's start with ourselves. So the next time someone does something nice for you, or says something nice about you, or whatever it is it may be - try "thank you." And see your world shift from one in which you tell yourself that you are unworthy of affection, to one that you see your value, and are unashamed to acknowledge that, all the while loving the other person back through the acknowledgement of their kindness. People who love you should be nice to you. They do not deserve to be put on a pedestal for that. |
AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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