Okay, girl. You had a great Sunday, but then you let life stress you out and get you down. Give it to God!
Keep trying and keep trusting. It will work out; it always does. I know right now it feels hopeless, but one day you will look back and thank yourself for not giving up. You need to remember how far you've come - then you will get only a glimpse of how far God wants to take you yet. What did we talk about? One day at a time - a life is built piece by piece. So, please, breathe. Listen to God when He says He has big plans for you (yes, you!), good plans for His glory! He longs to use you; do not be discouraged. Keep trying and keep trusting. You've got this, girl - because He's got you.
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5 short words. 5 seemingly harmless words. 5 deceitfully damaging words. We say them when we are trying to be playful, or flirty even. We say them on dates, we say them over the phone. We say them because we are trying to be humble, or cute, or make the other person feel good, or a multitude of different things women have to try to be and do. And we need to stop saying them. Now. "You're too good to me." I want all the ladies to take a minute and think about the last time they said these words, or almost said them. Mine was today. When my boyfriend complimented me. "What a humble, playful response," I thought initially. But I want you to think about that. And I want you to think about the situations in which you've said it.... Truly, truly think about it. My partner of a year complimented me, something a partner should do, something which he does every day. And what is my response...? You're too good to me?? WHAT. This phrase is harmful in so many ways, and here's why: 1. It discredits your value to the other person. When someone does something nice for you, and you say something like, "you're too good to me," you are inadvertently telling them that you are not worthy of what they are doing - that you do not deserve their affection. Of course this may not always seem like what is happening, because its effects may not be seen immediately, or ever in a direct way, but responding in this manner creates an environment in which you have put yourself below not only the other person, but below the line of being worthy of their love. Let me tell you, sister, you are more than worthy of their compliments, and gifts, and affection. You are not lesser, and you are not undeserving. Don't present yourself that way. 2. It discredits your value to yourself. Additionally, you are not only telling the other person that you are not worthy, you are telling yourself. And though you may write this off as just something you say, not something you mean, when you hear something enough times - you believe it. That's science. If you are constantly living in a reality in which you tell yourself that you are lesser, it's a slippery slope before this sentiment creeps into your every day life and soon becomes something even you believe sometimes. Ladies, we struggle enough with others telling us we aren't good enough - don't be one of those voices. In the same way we should be lifting others up, we must also encourage ourselves, and believe in ourselves. We are our biggest cheerleaders - don't discredit yourself. 3. It furthers society's misguided view on women. It's unattractive to be "full of yourself," or "being humble means never flaunting your strengths" - things we hear all the time, if only in our own brains. Such an ingrained part of our culture - women MUST be humble, and humility is... frankly, never accepting a compliment. Come on girl, when someone tells you that you look beautful in a picture, chances are you already know or you wouldn't have posted it. Someone brings you a surprise coffee or cookie, well that was a nice thing for them to do and they just made your day. Tell them that. Don't pretend that you don't know when you're looking good, or doing good, or feeling good. It's okay to say... drumroll please... a simple, "thank you." Obviously, you (most likely) were not intending these things when you said those words, nor are you a bad person because you did. But we need to examine this. Why is our first response one that makes us seem smaller, and unworthy of being loved the right way? Why is our so-often-go-to playful response one that inhibits ourselves from seeing our own value? Because we have been conditioned to think that way, and we have been wrongfully made to believe that it's okay. Our avoidance of the "Thank you" is toxic to our relationships and ourselves. It interferes with others' comfort levels in loving you the way they have been trying to. It makes the actions, or words, seem unappreciated and unnecessary while providing an ego boost that is severely misplaced. Here's the hard truth - people who love you should be nice to you. They do not deserve to be put on a pedestal for that. And a kind "thank you" demonstrates that you acknowledge their kindness, and that it is appreciated. It places value on their action, without taking value away from yourself. Look, ladies, I know you didn't mean harm when you said it. And I don't blame you. I get it, I have to actively stop myself from saying it. But let's shift. Let's be intentional with our language. Let's be intentional on creating a culture that not only recognizes women but values them. And let's start with ourselves. So the next time someone does something nice for you, or says something nice about you, or whatever it is it may be - try "thank you." And see your world shift from one in which you tell yourself that you are unworthy of affection, to one that you see your value, and are unashamed to acknowledge that, all the while loving the other person back through the acknowledgement of their kindness. People who love you should be nice to you. They do not deserve to be put on a pedestal for that. If you're going to love her, love her well.
Learn things about her. Learn everything about her. Learn how she takes her coffee, and her favorite treat. Learn her favorite books, and movies, and learn why. Learn her favorite weekend activities, and learn how to enjoy them too. Learn what she needs when she's sad. If it's touch, embrace her. If it's space, let her be. Learn how to know, before she has to say a word. Because, I promise you, there are ways to know. Know that her heart is beautiful, but also fragile. Know that your words will linger, both for the better and, at times, for the worst. Know that she pays attention, even when she is stubbornly pretending she isn't. Know that she is always trying, always striving to love you better, though it can be difficult to see past herself some times. Do not forget this, when things get hard. Do not forget that she is human, too - a beautiful, strong, loving human, who too has insecurities. Learn the insecurities, and I plead of you, never use them to your advantage. Know what it is that wakes her up in the middle of the night - a stomach full of knots and eyes full of tears. Know how to soothe her, but most importantly, know how to never be the reason why. Her heart makes her special. You know that. Don't forget that. She knows you're special too. Above all, put grace first. Grace for her, grace for eachother, grace for yourself. Your grace honors your Creator - the source of perfect love. Long for this, strive for this, live for this. You cannot half love somebody. You are either in or you are out. To invest partially is a disservice to yourself and your partner. Half-love is a disgrace - a recipe for pain and disaster. So if you're going to love her, love her well. Though she can't promise to always love you perfectly either, know that she will always try. I've always been one to feel things - to feel everything. Deeply. I've always been one to have a profound sense of right and wrong, and an inability to look past it. I've always been sensitive, and I've often been sorry for it. There are ways I have been made to feel because of this - by the world, by people I know, by my inner voice. But those negative things, they're just not true. So this is a letter to the girls like me - these are the words I would say to you. Dear girl, Lovely lovely girl. May you never feel sorry for your emotions. May you never wish them away. There will be days when your heart breaks and heals 100 times, maybe more. There will be days when the world and all of its happenings will feel crippling. There will be days when those who love you hurt you, though they may not have meant to. There will be days when your tears need to be free, or your laugh longs to light up the room. Your life may feel like a rollercoaster of emotions - embrace it. It's beautiful. When you miss your friends so much you cry, what a profound statement of love. When your heart aches for burdens that are not yours to bear, how lovely that is. Your emotions do not make you weak. Your sensitivities are nothing to be ashamed of. They are to be envied. Others would be so lucky to feel things as you and I do. For we know the utter joy a day of sunshine can bring, the warmth and comfort of a rainy morning, and the complete heartbreak of loss. It may not seem as though it is a blessing to feel all things so deeply, but believe me it is. When your heart breaks often, it is only a sign that it is always so full of love. And that is strength. Others will not understand, they will not appreciate how strong you are - but you are. They do not know the tragedy your heart feels when someone walks away, or you experience loss. They do not know how, though, you are completely broken, you always choose to love again. Always choose to love again. Because you know this - life without love is unbearable. So you choose love. And because you choose love, you inevitably open yourself to disappointment and hurt. How beautiful it it you always choose love. There will be days when you are too much for people - you're too "sensitive," you "take things too personally," you are just "being silly." Don't listen to them. Never, I repeat, never, let anyone stop you from feeling the way you feel. Feel everything, don't run from it. Though the world may view your emotions as weakness, you know that it is passion. Though others may think you are too sensitive as you cry for the homeless, the broken, the needy, you know it is empathy. Though they may tell you to "get over it," you know that it is love. Everything you feel adds up to love. The joy, the sadness, the anger, the passion, it all comes down to love. And though the world may not see it that way, you know that it is true. You are special, lovely girl. Though your heart may break, you love again - and that is something to be proud of. So please, I beg of you, never be sorry for how you feel. When you are too much for people for people to carry, know that you are strong enough to carry yourself. Your passion will lead you to great things - no great thing was ever accomplished without it. So embrace it. Love it. Learn to live with it, live through it, live for it. You have been fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Though others may not see it, your heart is beautiful. And so are you. With a deep, and sincere love, Rebecca This past weekend, I had the immense pleasure of spending a day in the beautiful Charleston, SC. From the second we entered the city, I was blown away. The architecture was beautiful, and the beach was stunning - a true, Southern, beach town. With the sun shining and the birds chirping, it wasn't hard to see why people seemed to flock to the city. I mean, just look at those beautiful homes! With brunch places, ice cream shops, and bars galore - what more could you need? If you haven't been there, drop what you're doing and go. Now.
For those of you who did not stop reading to go buy a plane ticket, I have to tell you - this post is not about Charleston. It's a two hour drive from my family's house where I was staying, and as you can imagine, a long car ride allows for plenty of conversation. One of the topics that came up was the casual topic of discovering God's plan for our lives. It stemmed from discussing the bond I formed with my students last year, and my friend's desire to keep with the work for years to come - a goal she had not originally intended, and one much less "successful" than what she could be doing. We talked about how God's plan for our life may not be what our plan is. God's plan for our life may not look the way we think it should. God's plan for our life might include sacrifice, because He has a bigger plan for us than we had for ourselves. This is a topic I tend to struggle with. In fact, I have been praying about it for months. It would be decieving to say that God's plan for our life is always clear, and that our path always seems straight, and following God is like a compass that takes us right where we need to be without any off-roading or getting lost. So I listened to the conversation, but kept thinking, "If only it were that simple." Like many others, I'm sure, my heart is drawn to many things and many places. I have various goals that do not relate, some of which would be more "successful" than others, some of which may be more fulfilling for my soul. This, I am positive, is not a struggle only I have. So how do we know which is God's plan, when our hearts are unsure? How do we know which path to follow? Unfortunately, this is not a post telling you how to figure it out. Because I have no idea, despite months on end of prayer and reflection. Back home this morning, I did my routine bible study. Sitting in the morning sun, listening to the birds sing, I read Jesus' wods - "Follow me." "I am the Light," He said, and those who "walk in the light will never walk in darkness." What a beautiful promise. What a beautiful calling. But, again, I prayed, "God I don't know what that means for me. I want to follow You, but I just don't know how." Sitting there, feeling dismayed, I heard God answer me - "I have already told you how." And He showed me. When I ask, "Lord, what is to come of my life?" He responds, "Do not be anxious." Phillipians 4:6 When I say, "God, I can't continue." He tells me, "Rest in Me. I will make your burdens light." Matthew 11:30 When I do not know which path to follow, He commands me, "Live generously." Matthew 5:42 When I cry, "Lord this person does not belong in my life!" He reminds me, "Love one another." John 13:34 And when I pray for months, and long for answers, and feel so alone, He promises, "Never will I leave you nor forsake you - til the very end of age." Matthew 28:20 And that is the most beautiful promise of all. I remember, when I was little, I wanted more than anything to be a star - one of those acting, singing, dancing Disney Channel stars. I wanted to be on television, and perform in front of crowds. I would sing and dance in my room. I would write plays for me and my friends (starring myself, of course). I attended drama camp, I was on competitive dance teams. More than anything - I wanted this. One day, a family member lovingly implied that this dream may be... less than realistic. He didn't want me to get disappointed, he said (Very well intentioned, sound advice I can now appreciate as an adult). This did, however, fuel the opposite response. Instead of taking it to heart and focusing on something more realistic, this comment did less than discourage me. In fact, I became more determined than ever. I would sit and watch television, and I had a journal - every time I saw a child actor (which was a lot, by the way, since I was basically only watching Disney Channel... so maybe not the most representative sample) I would put a tally mark. I was going to prove them all wrong. I was going to show them how many kids did make it, and that I could make it too. I mean, I really believed in myself. Eventually, of course, I did grow out of that dream. I went from that to dreaming of being a teacher, to an astronaut, to a bus driver (don't ask..), to an author, to a business executive, to a small-business owner. The point is, I had dreams. I had dreams that I really believed in. I had dreams that I really believed in myself to accomplish. Kids' minds are beautiful that way. Unfortunately, I also eventually grew out of the confidence as well. As I was talking with my boyfriend tonight about how intimidating my fellow students can be, and how discouraged I get when comparing myself, and how I am scared to apply to these awesome positions because I am scared to get rejected, a problem I know is not unique to me... a question entered my head - when did we stop believing fervently in my dreams? When did we start comparing ourselves to others, and deciding we're not as good? When did we lose faith in ourselves? As kids, we dream and we believe in ourselves. As adults, we lose that. Just think how remarkable our lives would be if we dared to dream a little bigger, without holding back from fear of disappointment. Just think how much we would impress ourselves if we had the audacity to believe that we could actually accomplish those big dreams, instead of shrinking ourselves, or writing ourselves off. Imagine how far we would get if our hope fueled our work - and we worked and worked and worked until we accomplished our dreams, instead of giving up and just settling because it seems too hard, or "it's just not in the cards." At what point in our lives are we taught that dreaming is foolish? At what point in our lives are we taught to dissuade ourselves because of the embarrassment of failure? I don't know how to change this, friends. It's a personal journey that we all have to take. But I know the world would be a much more beautiful place if we all held on to that confidence we had as a child that, with work, we could be whatever we want to be, whether it be an actress, or an astronuat, or even a bus driver. "Do not ask, 'what does the world need?' Ask, 'what makes me come alive?' and then go do that. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive." Howard Thurman. Friends,
I just wrote an entire heart-felt post about self-love and acceptance through your New Years resolutions, and it's gone. And while I do believe those are important things to talk about, I want to take this fresh start as a chance to be a little more vulnerable. This morning I was sitting in the sunroom, looking out at the frost-covered grass, drinking exquisite french-pressed coffee, watching the birds flutter around with my journal in front of me and... nothing. No inspiration, nada. In fact, this is not new. My journal entries all seem to be the same lately, with little bursts of creative thinking and deep ponderings. But why? I asked myself. Why are words and poems not flooding into my head as they used to? Why have I nothing to share with the world, let alone myself? And then it came to me - because I am scared. Once you put something out into the universe, it's real. My mind has been troubled by a personal dilemma for weeks, and I kept it in because I knew once I said it I could no longer pretend it wasn't important and it was going to go away. I was scared of that - because I wanted it to not be important and for it to go away. But that's not how life works. I haven't been able to write lately because I haven't wanted to be vulnerable. I have been scared of being vulnerable, of admitting my shortcomings and even more so, sharing them with the world. But where has that gotten me? To a place so dull and uninspired I don't even recognize myself anymore. So this is me, sharing this, and publicly vowing to not be afraid of sharing my truths or my feelings, and urging you to do the same. I have been uninspired in my creative life, and in my professional life - because I do not want to put myself out there. Because I am scared of not being good enough. Because I am scared of failing. But where has that gotten me? Absolutely no where. Still in the same place I was months ago. And that, my friends, is no way to live. Be it in your personal, creative, social, or professional life, I urge you to join me on this journey of vulnerability, of putting yourself out there, and being open to what comes. I promise - the result will be a more beautiful, rich, fulfilled life. Don't deny yourselves that, friends. You owe it to yourselves to enter this year giving it all you got, showing the world who you are, and just going for it. It's January. It's the perfect time to start. Let's make this the year we no longer hide our truths, we no longer dim our own lights, we no longer shrink ourselves. We have things to offer the world; let's go out there and show them! "The world is full of people who will try to shrink you. Don't be one of them." "You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of knowing and loving people in more than one place."
I journal every day - be it in the form of a prayer, or just thoughts, every day I write. I write my feelings, and hopes, fears, anxieties, opinions, all of it. The beautiful thing about this is the reflection it provides - a time to reflect in the present, but also a time to visit the previous year. Looking through my journal entries from this year let me see how I've grown, and the rollercoasters of emotions I have been on. But it's also let me see a common trend I've been writing about and feeling all year, and I know if I visited last year's journal I would see the same - restlessness. Always wanting something else. Not necessarily more, just different. If I'm here I want to be there, if I'm there I want to be here. My heart finds peace only in fleeting moments, and always returns to its wandering state. Now, of course, this isn't always bad. In fact, when I read the quote above it really resonated with me, and wrote it in my journal, after a long night of missing people and places I love - And in my journal I responded to it - "How blessed I am to have such a beautiful dilemma." Because that's what it is - it's beautiful. How rich you are, not in money or goods, if you have experiences and felt love. How blessed you are if you have traveled and fallen in love with so many friendships, coffee shops, and places. How lucky you are if you have something to reflect on and be filled with joyful nostalgia about. We all get to this place in our lives at some point, I'm sure of it. When things aren't easy, or fun, or going the way you wish they would, it's an easy trap to fall into. How easy it is to sit and complain about our current circumstances, and think back to nights in the desert, and mornings spent with friends, when in reality if you truly looked back you would remember: that night in the desert is when you decided you don't like the desert, and those mornings and days you look so fondly back on were actually filled with long walks carrying heavy groceries and spraying bug spray all over the house to get rid of the ants infestation. (Of course, these truths for me are metaphors for you, but you get the point). There is beauty in our memories, and that is what we choose to remember. Because maybe the desert was hot and sweaty and you had to use a toilet in the ground, but the view was spectacular, unlike anything you've ever seen. And maybe you had ants on your counter but you got to complain about them with your best friends, and come up with clever ways to take care of it. There is beauty in our memories, but that's not all there is. My point is this - it's far too easy to look back and long for what was, forgetting about the struggle you had then too. It's far too easy to say those days were better, and be blind to the blessings you have now. It's far too easy to wish for days past, and take for granted your days now. It's far too easy to be disappointed with our circumstance, and forget that one day these might be the days you'll look back on with nostalgia. This holiday season let us not get trapped in this vicious cycle of discontent, but instead appreciate your past and your memories, show love to those you miss, and build new memories, not taking for granted the abundant blessings the Lord has bestowed upon you right now. This morning I was brought to tears by the sunrise. Because two days ago I was in tears for a very different reason.
Two days ago I awoke with despair. Two days ago I cried because I felt hopeless. I felt ashamed. I felt saddened. And I felt scared. Two days ago I cried because I lost. That's how two days ago felt, like a personal loss. A friend described the loss of the election feeling like a death, and I cannot disagree. A death to my hope, to my persistence, to my faith in the people of this country. Two days ago I cried because my heart broke in pieces. I awoke two days ago speechless. And for those that know me, that's a rare occurrence. I had no words for the loss I was feeling, or the fear I know my friends of color are facing. I awoke with a heavy heart that I haven't been able to shake. Quickly my sadness morphed into anger. Anger towards people I know and people I don't. Anger towards the country as a whole and the fact that life is the way it is. And this anger has not been easily quieted. When I think about the racism that drove this election, I feel this anger. When I think of the offense so many have sufferred I feel this anger. When I think that even some of those I love can't see this, I feel this anger. This anger has decided it wants to stay. So I felt it. I felt it deeply. I felt it when I watched the news. I felt it when I got on social media. I felt it. I felt it with its cousin sadness, that likes to work its way in there in increments, resulting in tears I was not ready for. Yet, life must go on. And so I prayed. I prayed and I prayed and I continue to pray, because this anger cannot stay in my heart, not in the way it has been. I have prayed for strength, courage, and the ability to love through this anger. I have prayed for the ability and the opportunity to use my voice and make a change. And so this is my voice. This is me saying that I will not be silent in the face of oppression. I will not hide behind my privelige while my Latino and Black friends face fear and discrimination. I will not pretend I don't mind as my dignity as a woman is being torn away from me, while others lose respect for us because of our anatomy. I will not sit back and pretend that things are okay. And I will also continue to pray, because I know that the Lord God is my only source of hope. I know He has not forgotten us. And so I will wait on Him, and while I do, He makes me strong. He will heal my heart. He will heal this country. And I will be kinder than ever. I will not honk at drivers just because I am angry with them. I will not pretend to not see somebody because I am not in the mood to engage in conversation. Now, more than ever, we must work to make this world a lovely place. And I will think back to the beautiful sunrise I saw this morning, and know that this is not the end, that God is faithful even when all feels lost. I will remember His promise to never leave us nor forsake us, and I will trust Him. You tell me to be silent. I will not.
You tell me, "Sit down, that's enough." You say, "Okay I'm done talking about this," and "Can we talk about something else now?" You tell me I take it too personally. You tell me it doesn't mean anything. You tell me it's "just a joke." You tell me to lighten up. And then you tell me to be quiet. But as the great Dr. King once said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." They told him to sit down. They told him to let it go. And they told him it's hopeless. But he stood. And he spoke. And he changed the world. So I will not be silent when you joke about sexual assault. I will not be silent because "we have gender equality in this country," because we don't. I will not be silent when I face harrassment daily just for being a woman. I will not be silent when I cannot walk to my car alone and feel safe. But you tell me "it's just words," when you joke. You tell me it means nothing. And I will not be silent for the atrocities women face across the globe. So I will not be silent about gender equality. And I will not be silent about your racist humor. I will not be silent when your comments encourage harmful stereotypes. I will not be silent as you marginalize an entire group of people. Or even just an individual. I will not be silent as you discuss others lives. As you decide they "just didn't work hard enough," or "they need another job." I will not be silent as you pity them and then judge them all in the same breath. I will not be silent when you discuss this over Starbucks then go home to your warm house. I will not be silent when your candidate poses a serious threat to peace and equality. I will not be silent when you ignore an absence of empathy. I will not be silent in order to "Respect your opinion" because your opinion is reckless. It's harmful. It's dangerous. I will not be silent about the things that matter. So tell me to be quiet. Tell me to shut up. Tell me to go home. Tell me to lighten up. Please. As people are dying from hunger, war, injustice everyday, tell me to lighten up. And to let it go. Because wouldn't the world be a happier place if we all just mind our own business. |
AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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