If I am being completely vulnerable, one of my most honest struggles is loneliness. My loneliness has caused me to jump from relationship to relationship, to always be longing for something else, to have trouble feeling content. But if I am being even more vulnerable, my loneliness is the worst when I'm single. Sometimes I have trouble knowing who I should be on my own, which is weird, because I am very confident in myself, and am always working towards further independence. I just like sharing life with someone, I always have. And there's nothing wrong with that. Except when there's no one to share life with. And though my current season of singleness was a choice I made and do not regret, it can make things tough sometimes - especially at the holidays. With loved ones getting engaged, sharing family Christmas cards, and posting about cozy nights, it's not hard to see why the holidays can be lonely. For others, the holidays are a reminder of a loved one that won't be joining the festivities this year. They can be a time in which we hold such high expectations of joy and love, that when they fall short, it can feel like we are the ones that fell short. I encourage you not to give into that false thought. It's hard. For me too, sometimes. Here are a few thoughts on ways to not let loneliness get the best of the most wonderful time of the year: 1. Write Christmas cards! Whenever I feel lonely, I find ways to give my love to the people in my life. Christmas is the perfect time for this! Take an afternoon to write cards for your loved ones - tell them how thankful you are for their friendship, remind them of your love. We don't do this enough. When you're lonely it can feel like you have no outlet for your affection - Christmas cards are a great way to express love to the people we often take for granted. 2. Turn off your phone! For real, turn it off. For a day. Or an hour. Whatever works for you. Get off social media, stop comparing your real life to the highlights people share. While we rationally know that the image people portray on social media is not reflective of their day to day actuality, it is easy to get caught up in believing that it is, which will only make you feel worse. So, instead of scrolling through a friend's Instagram, ask a friend to coffee. Catch up. Spend quality time together. 3. Get out of the house! Christmas is a great time to get cozy by the fireplace, but it's also a great time to get out into your city. With coffee shops being decorated and cozy, and Christmas lights illuminating neighborhoods, it barely matters what you do. Get out. Be around people. Appreciate the sights, and smells, and feelings of the holiday season - you only get one chance a year! 4. Whatever it is that makes you happy, do that. Read a book and drink hot chocolate. Listen to holiday music. Bake cookies. There is something about the Christmas season - normal activities just feel a little more... magical. Let that magic in! Whether you are by yourself or with a friend or family member, appreciate deeply the things that make you happy. And recreate the feeling as much as you need to (yes, that is permission to eat fresh-baked Christmas cookies every day for a month). 5. Focus on what you have, not what you do not have. This one's simple - a concept we should practice every day of the year. But it's easy to forget. Write down what you are thankful for. Take pictures of people you love. Journal. Sketch what makes you happy. Be intentional about what you give your attention to. 6. Lastly, accept your loneliness for what it is. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Accept it. Let it be. Then let it go. Pretending we don't feel something does not make us not feel it. In fact, it often makes us feel it more. If you need a few minutes to drink coffee and look out the window pensively, take them. Your feelings are valid - the lies they tell you are not. Know that you will be okay, you will feel happy, and you are loved. You are deeply, deeply loved - by friends, by family, and by Jesus - the One whom we are celebrating. Christmas is a beautiful holiday celebrating a wonderful savior, and we put a lot of pressure on it to be perfect and cheerful. But families are flawed, people are flawed, and our lives are flawed. We all struggle with loneliness sometimes. Don't be afraid to reach out to loved ones for support. Merry Christmas, everyone. Sending so much love to those to whom the most wonderful time of the year feels less than magical.
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AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
May 2018
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