"You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of knowing and loving people in more than one place."
I journal every day - be it in the form of a prayer, or just thoughts, every day I write. I write my feelings, and hopes, fears, anxieties, opinions, all of it. The beautiful thing about this is the reflection it provides - a time to reflect in the present, but also a time to visit the previous year. Looking through my journal entries from this year let me see how I've grown, and the rollercoasters of emotions I have been on. But it's also let me see a common trend I've been writing about and feeling all year, and I know if I visited last year's journal I would see the same - restlessness. Always wanting something else. Not necessarily more, just different. If I'm here I want to be there, if I'm there I want to be here. My heart finds peace only in fleeting moments, and always returns to its wandering state. Now, of course, this isn't always bad. In fact, when I read the quote above it really resonated with me, and wrote it in my journal, after a long night of missing people and places I love - And in my journal I responded to it - "How blessed I am to have such a beautiful dilemma." Because that's what it is - it's beautiful. How rich you are, not in money or goods, if you have experiences and felt love. How blessed you are if you have traveled and fallen in love with so many friendships, coffee shops, and places. How lucky you are if you have something to reflect on and be filled with joyful nostalgia about. We all get to this place in our lives at some point, I'm sure of it. When things aren't easy, or fun, or going the way you wish they would, it's an easy trap to fall into. How easy it is to sit and complain about our current circumstances, and think back to nights in the desert, and mornings spent with friends, when in reality if you truly looked back you would remember: that night in the desert is when you decided you don't like the desert, and those mornings and days you look so fondly back on were actually filled with long walks carrying heavy groceries and spraying bug spray all over the house to get rid of the ants infestation. (Of course, these truths for me are metaphors for you, but you get the point). There is beauty in our memories, and that is what we choose to remember. Because maybe the desert was hot and sweaty and you had to use a toilet in the ground, but the view was spectacular, unlike anything you've ever seen. And maybe you had ants on your counter but you got to complain about them with your best friends, and come up with clever ways to take care of it. There is beauty in our memories, but that's not all there is. My point is this - it's far too easy to look back and long for what was, forgetting about the struggle you had then too. It's far too easy to say those days were better, and be blind to the blessings you have now. It's far too easy to wish for days past, and take for granted your days now. It's far too easy to be disappointed with our circumstance, and forget that one day these might be the days you'll look back on with nostalgia. This holiday season let us not get trapped in this vicious cycle of discontent, but instead appreciate your past and your memories, show love to those you miss, and build new memories, not taking for granted the abundant blessings the Lord has bestowed upon you right now.
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AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
May 2018
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