Let me set the scene for you: Run-walking through downtown, trying not to be late. Heels. Professional clothes. Temperature just warm enough to create that slight layer of sweat on skin, that slight "I've been outside" smell. Ready to sell just why I am the best candidate for the job.
PIctured above is a true story of my hot mess of a life, on my way to an interview for a dream internship. I've been applying to jobs for months. I've been getting rejected from jobs for months. There were days I would cry and cry, so disheartened. There were days I accepted the belief that I just wasn't good enough. But I had decided back in January that this would be the year I put myself out there and go for it. This would be the year, if nothing, I tried. So, I kept trying. And I kept failing. Until I didn't. Though my hands were clammy, my hair frizzy, and feet blistered, I went into that interview with my head held high and resume in hand. I went in ready to give it my all. I went in ready to show the very best version of myself. When I got the job, though, my confidence dropped. Suddenly, I was so sure I was going to fail. I was so sure I would disappoint them and myself. I was so sure that I was, in fact, not good enough. And then a few days ago I had to drive a big Uhaul van (something I never ever want to do again btw). As I was driving down the road, knuckles white from gripping the wheel do tightly, I kept saying to myself "visualize success." Because I knew that was the only way I could do it - picture what it looks like to succeed, then make that picture the reality. That stuck in my mind a while, and I got to thinking - there's no reason I can't do that with my internship as well. If I can drive a van full of stuff to the other side of town, I can pull off an internship. The message in my head soon shifted to: "I can. I will. I did." Picturing success. I can do this, so I will do this. And eventually, I did do this. I wrote this 3 sentence saying on a sticky note and posted it above my desk, ready to take on the project set before me. Every time I looked at my little note, the Lord kept whispering in my heart one verse: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13) I was right. I can do this. But it is because He can do this. I was right, I will do this. But it is because He will do this. And I was right, eventually I will say I did do this, but it is because He has already done this. Throughout the bible, God reminds us that we are never alone. Though we often quote those inspiring words for friends who are heartbroken, or when our lives are a mess, they ring true on our good days too. The are true when we don't get what we want, and they are equally as true when we do. Those weeks I spent struggling, I was not alone. And just because that struggle is over now, that does not mean the Lord leaves. That's the beautiful thing - He is always with us. Not just when we fail, but when we succeed. He walks beside us, he goes before us and clears our path. (Isaiah 45:2) We can because He can. He has already overcome the world. He will not leave us to fight for ourselves. So whether you are at home crying into a box of tissues, or sitting around a kitchen table unsure how you're going to make ends meet, or you just got something wonderful and you're not quite sure if you can actually live up to expectations, remember, you are not alone. You are never alone. "To the very end of age," you are not alone. You can because He can. You will because He will. And One day, you'll say "I did," because He already has. So keep your head up. Keep fightin' the good fight. You've got this - because He's got this.
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If you're going to love her, love her well.
Learn things about her. Learn everything about her. Learn how she takes her coffee, and her favorite treat. Learn her favorite books, and movies, and learn why. Learn her favorite weekend activities, and learn how to enjoy them too. Learn what she needs when she's sad. If it's touch, embrace her. If it's space, let her be. Learn how to know, before she has to say a word. Because, I promise you, there are ways to know. Know that her heart is beautiful, but also fragile. Know that your words will linger, both for the better and, at times, for the worst. Know that she pays attention, even when she is stubbornly pretending she isn't. Know that she is always trying, always striving to love you better, though it can be difficult to see past herself some times. Do not forget this, when things get hard. Do not forget that she is human, too - a beautiful, strong, loving human, who too has insecurities. Learn the insecurities, and I plead of you, never use them to your advantage. Know what it is that wakes her up in the middle of the night - a stomach full of knots and eyes full of tears. Know how to soothe her, but most importantly, know how to never be the reason why. Her heart makes her special. You know that. Don't forget that. She knows you're special too. Above all, put grace first. Grace for her, grace for eachother, grace for yourself. Your grace honors your Creator - the source of perfect love. Long for this, strive for this, live for this. You cannot half love somebody. You are either in or you are out. To invest partially is a disservice to yourself and your partner. Half-love is a disgrace - a recipe for pain and disaster. So if you're going to love her, love her well. Though she can't promise to always love you perfectly either, know that she will always try. I've always been one to feel things - to feel everything. Deeply. I've always been one to have a profound sense of right and wrong, and an inability to look past it. I've always been sensitive, and I've often been sorry for it. There are ways I have been made to feel because of this - by the world, by people I know, by my inner voice. But those negative things, they're just not true. So this is a letter to the girls like me - these are the words I would say to you. Dear girl, Lovely lovely girl. May you never feel sorry for your emotions. May you never wish them away. There will be days when your heart breaks and heals 100 times, maybe more. There will be days when the world and all of its happenings will feel crippling. There will be days when those who love you hurt you, though they may not have meant to. There will be days when your tears need to be free, or your laugh longs to light up the room. Your life may feel like a rollercoaster of emotions - embrace it. It's beautiful. When you miss your friends so much you cry, what a profound statement of love. When your heart aches for burdens that are not yours to bear, how lovely that is. Your emotions do not make you weak. Your sensitivities are nothing to be ashamed of. They are to be envied. Others would be so lucky to feel things as you and I do. For we know the utter joy a day of sunshine can bring, the warmth and comfort of a rainy morning, and the complete heartbreak of loss. It may not seem as though it is a blessing to feel all things so deeply, but believe me it is. When your heart breaks often, it is only a sign that it is always so full of love. And that is strength. Others will not understand, they will not appreciate how strong you are - but you are. They do not know the tragedy your heart feels when someone walks away, or you experience loss. They do not know how, though, you are completely broken, you always choose to love again. Always choose to love again. Because you know this - life without love is unbearable. So you choose love. And because you choose love, you inevitably open yourself to disappointment and hurt. How beautiful it it you always choose love. There will be days when you are too much for people - you're too "sensitive," you "take things too personally," you are just "being silly." Don't listen to them. Never, I repeat, never, let anyone stop you from feeling the way you feel. Feel everything, don't run from it. Though the world may view your emotions as weakness, you know that it is passion. Though others may think you are too sensitive as you cry for the homeless, the broken, the needy, you know it is empathy. Though they may tell you to "get over it," you know that it is love. Everything you feel adds up to love. The joy, the sadness, the anger, the passion, it all comes down to love. And though the world may not see it that way, you know that it is true. You are special, lovely girl. Though your heart may break, you love again - and that is something to be proud of. So please, I beg of you, never be sorry for how you feel. When you are too much for people for people to carry, know that you are strong enough to carry yourself. Your passion will lead you to great things - no great thing was ever accomplished without it. So embrace it. Love it. Learn to live with it, live through it, live for it. You have been fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Though others may not see it, your heart is beautiful. And so are you. With a deep, and sincere love, Rebecca I don't want to lose faith in humanity. I really don't.
I sit and I watch the news and it feels hopeless sometimes. It feels like we can't win. It feels like we fight and we fight and nothing ever comes of it. And I get angry. And I get frustrated. And I get sad. There are things that happen that I don't understand. There are perspectives and attitudes that are so abstract to me that I cannot even fathom how they exist. There are beliefs that are so far from mine that it overwhelms me to even try to comprehend. If it's not one thing, it's another. But this post isn't to complain. It isn't about the world sucking, or how hopeless things are, or even a call to action. It's about people. This morning I was watching the news, getting the updates on confirmations and nominations and my heart just sunk. I truly cannot believe some things happening in the world today, happening in our country. And I got so angry because there are people fighting for what is good and right everyday and nothing seems to be coming of it. Disheartened and angry, I made my way to the local coffee shop to get some work done. Sitting here, I am surrounded by people. There are people reading, others talking business, friends catching up over coffee, and it reminded me - there are good people everywhere. We may not see them. We may not hear about them. They may not get elected. But they exist. It's easy to lose hope in people, until you get to know the hearts of others around you. Your friends, strangers in the coffee shop, your colleagues - they'll surprise you. They're not the people arguing with your progressive posts on Facebook. They're the people who exist outside of politics, outside of business. They're the people living their lives, looking for joy, loving and serving others. As I am very politically outspoken, I am by no means sitting here condemning activism or opinions. But as person that can easily get wrapped up in the world of politics and what feels like the constant disappointment that comes from disagreements and endless fighting, I was reminded how important it is to see people for who they really are. I mean, to really see people. To see their hearts - their joys and sadness. Their passions and their heartbreaks. There is something so beautiful about people in a coffee shop, doing their own thing, at peace alone or with others. There is a whole world outside of the internet. There is a whole world outside of Washington DC. There are people who are looking for love and happiness, there are friends waiting to be made, and conversations waiting to be had. There are mountains waiting to be climbed, and coffee waiting to be consumed in copious amounts. There are laughs waiting to happen, and books waiting to be read. So let's not stop fighting for what is right. Let's not stop calling our senators and marching and sharing articles and engaging in dialogue. But let's also not forget about our neighbors who need a hug, or our moms who want a phone call, or our own souls that need to be nourished. It is important we do not lose sight of the world, and the many many good people in it. Your soul needs to rest. It's okay to not be angry all the time. It's okay to be happy, even when there are injustices in the world. It feels like we're losing now, but when we lose our faith and our hope and our joy - that is when they have really won. "...Hate what is evil. Cling to what is good." Romans 12:9 |
AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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