Well....
If anyone wants a metaphor for how my life is going right now, look no further than the faint bruise on the side of my forehead. Every Monday night I sit in a class taught by a very impressive woman. She has been in the public health field for a very long time, worked on very interesting health topics, has one of my dream jobs, and is overall a woman I most definitely want to impress. Overall, I had been pretty impressed with myself yesterday. I was dressed professionally, with my hair still looking somewhat decent after 12 hours of school and work. I had not had any coffee after 8:30 a.m. and was still holding myself together pretty well (a big accomplishment). Yesterday was the day that Monday would not win. So last night I'm walking out of the classroom as she goes to speak to my remaining group members about our topic. Already feeling weird about leaving early (I needed to get home), I turned to hear what she was saying and say one more goodbye to my group members and professor. As I do this, they're all looking right at me. I awkwardly say a few words and do not get very far before... BAM! I walk right into the doorway. I. was. mortified. They all got a good laugh about it, and I played it off cool before walking out of the classroom and rubbing my head muttering a few choice words. And that is how my life has been going these past few weeks. Every time I feel like I have things together, something comes to trip me up. Every time I feel like I have something figured out, things change. Every time I finally feel good about my choices, something happens to make me unsure. You get the point. It doesn't help that I tend to put an extreme amount of pressure on myself to succeed, look good while doing it, and not ask for help. And I am so positive I am not the only one who does this. But what I am finding is, this way of life is not sustainable. The amount of burn out I have felt, and I am sure you have felt as well, is incredible - which can put a significant amount of stress on top of an already overwhelming situation. I have days I feel like I am sleepwalking with a smile on my face. I have days I sit in class, and true story, my eyes are twitching from exhaustion. And though it is because I am trying to do it all, be it all, and have it all together, this burnout is not helping anyone. It's certainly not helping my grades, or my group members, or my boss. And neither is yours. What I've learned is this - it is not selfish to rest. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. And it is not shameful to ask for help. We cannot do this on our own. One of my favorite bible verses I came across not too long ago goes like this, "If I keep my eyes on God, I won't trip over my own feet." And friends, I literally tripped over my own feet because I took my eyes off where I was going. Right into a doorway. So I urge you, take a day to rest. Take a day to center yourself. Take a day to fix your eyes on what is ahead. And for my fellow Christians, fix your eyes on God. He will not lead you astray... or into a doorway.
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AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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