I used to think when I got older I would stop making so many mistakes. I thought I would know the right thing to do... and then I would do it. I've learned, however, that is not true. I've also learned the importance of surrounding myself with friends that do not support me unconditionally.
Growing up, I always looked for friends that always told me I was doing the right thing, that I was not in the wrong. I see now, though, that what I was looking for wasn't friends. I was looking for cheerleaders. Time passed, we all grew up, and I have been abundantly blessed to have many of those same friends. I am also abundantly blessed that they are no longer my cheerleaders. Let's be clear - they love me deeply, and I them. I will always love my friends, through the worst decisions and the best and they have proven that they will also love me through mine. But it wasn't until college that I learned that loving someone does not mean blindly agreeing with them. Love does not always sound like, "It's okay." Instead, I think it often sounds like "No, it's not okay." It's not okay that you're doing that to yourself. It's not okay that you're doing that to someone else. And actually, to be bold, I would say that if it doesn't sometimes sound like "It's not okay," then it isn't love at all. People who love you shouldn't want to see you making bad choices. They should want to see you grow into the person God made you to be, and sometimes that means gently (or not so gently) pointing you in the right direction. For years, I would get angry with my friends that called me out. I still do, sometimes. I get defensive - especially when I know they're right. And now when I look back, I see just how instrumental their loving guidance was. The truth is, when you're standing in the eye of the hurricane it can be hard to see the damage of the storm. When it's your reality, it's what you know. The people you surround yourself with, though, can see the damage. They see the winds and the rain and the broken building that is your heart; they see the potential for lasting damage if things don't change. They are watching it unfold, and when they do not unconditionally support you, they are bringing in the aid to get you through it. So, let's call each other out when we see each other making bad decisions. Let's call our friends out when what they're doing is harmful to their heart. Let's not sit idly by as our loved ones dig themselves into a deeper hole, a bigger mess because they can't see it. Let's bring the umbrella and gently guide them out of the hurricane. We may get wet from the storm in the process, but for our loved ones, let us please be brave enough to say, "It's not okay, but I still love you." I am so very grateful my friends are not my cheerleaders; they are so much more than that - they are my guideposts.
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AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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