Last night I lied to God. I do it frequently. I am not proud of it, but I am human, and I want to talk about it. I want to talk about it because I think we all do it. I want to talk about it because His grace is so good; it covers us completely. I consider myself a fairly honest person. Little white lies here and there come out of my mouth to make a story sound more exciting or to avoid conflict in conversation - harmless, I thought. But last night my heart was revealed to me; last night my heart was caught in a lie. Last night I lied to God. This morning, He told me to stop playing games. This morning, He revealed His grace to me. In prayer before I fell asleep last night I told God that I didn't want to do something - in fact, I said "I don't want to do it, but I will if you want me to." Immediately after I prayed it, I knew I had lied. Truth is, I kinda do want to do it. I shouldn't want to, but for self-serving purposes, I do. I said I didn't want to (but I will!) because it made me seem better - more obedient. I didn't even get through my next sentence before I was so embarrassed - I was embarrassed that I tried to lie to the God that knows every inch of my heart; I was embarrassed that I long so deeply to seem so worthy of His grace when He has already given it freely; I was embarrassed that I was so focused on myself that I put my selfish desires before the desires of my God. Discouraged with myself, I ended my prayer with an apology and fell asleep (only to dream stressful dreams about that particular thing I said I didn't want to do). After making coffee this morning, I sat down for my morning bible-study time. Currently, I am following a plan in which I read about and reflect on different parts of Jesus' life. Today's passage was the Last Supper as presented in two different Gospels. The first I read was Matthew. In Matthew's account of this happening, He speaks of Jesus addressing His disciples and telling them that one will betray Him. Judas addresses Jesus, knowing full-well in his heart that he is the one that will turn Him in to His death, saying "Surely it isn't me, Rabbi!" That night, Judas lied to God. Jesus, in His full authority, looked at Judas and responded, "Stop playing games." Ouch. I read that interaction and prayed for immediate forgiveness for the games I have been playing with God. To see myself in Judas was a harsh awakening, and it broke my heart. The next account I read of the Last Supper was John's. While the last passage convicted, this one covered me in grace. Also at this supper, Jesus washed His disciple's feet - a gesture generally done to honor those higher than self. When He did this, Peter naturally objected. This was his Rabbi! Jesus continued, explaining to Peter that He is making him clean and holy so he may join in on Jesus' work. "My concern, you understand, is holiness, not hygiene," (13:10 - 12). Jesus willingly lowered Himself to make His followers clean. Jesus humbly showed those who love Him that they too can be holy and do good work - and Peter enthusiastically received this gift. This morning, like most other mornings, I did too. His grace overwhelmed me. Though a flawed human, He chose me as He chose them and He chooses you. Knowing we could never be clean and holy without His help, He washes our feet. We can't fool the God who knows every meditation of our hearts. The good news is, we don't have to. Through His grace He makes us clean - in His love, He makes us holy.
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AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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