Repeatedly Peter says, "turn to God," and your sins will be forgiven; you will receive showers of blessings.
Lord, I know that You are always faithful - help me turn to You so I can see it. Lord, teach my eyes to rise to You when temptation comes my way. When I cannot stand, I'll fall on You. Jesus, You're my hope and stay. Father, thank You. Thank You for another day to be alive; may I serve You in it. God, only You are the hope of this nation. Forgive me for ever thinking otherwise.
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If I had a million dollars to make a bet on a singular truth that would apply to all people, it would be this: We are all waiting on something.
Sometimes we are waiting on another person, or for our circumstances to change. We are waiting to accomplish something that we think will improve our lives, be it to find a job, to find a relationship, to get engaged, whatever. We are a waiting people. Having been in a season of waiting for months now, I've realized something. I see now that I know how to trust God when the answer is "yes," and even when the answer is "no," but learning to trust when the answer is "not yet"... that's a whole new ballgame. When God's answer is yes, the leap of faith can be scary but there is an overwhelming peace in your decision because you know the Lord has good things planned for you. When the answer is no, there is often an immense amount of sadness, but there is comfort and hope because you know the Lord has better things for you. Where does the knowledge of these truths go when the answer is "not yet," or "wait"? When the answer is neither yes nor no, it can be hard to believe there even is an answer. We can easily fall into the lie that God is not listening to us, that He has left us to do it ourselves, and that we must actually do it ourselves. So we try to do it ourselves. We must not try to do it ourselves. No, faith in waiting takes serious strength. It takes strength to wake up every day and keep working for something that you do not know is coming or when. It takes strength to put a smile on your face when people ask you about it and admit that you have yet to reach your goal. It takes strength to let go of the picture you had in your mind about the life you imagined to make room for God's instead. Because that's the thing - sometimes we wait, but we do not know what we are waiting for. We only know the promises God made, and yet we are so quick to forget His goodness. Though the Lord promised He has good plans for us, when we do not see them right away we can start making them ourselves - we start dating without going to God in prayer first, we take jobs that don't feel right, or maybe we just lose hope. But God has promised good things for us! He has promised us blessings and faithfulness. He has promised to never leave us! Sure, maybe he hasn't promised a specific partner or spouse or job or city or opportunity etc. It can be so hard to let our desires for those go, but we can knowing that His plan is so much greater than ours. Because He is God - and He is fully in control with a promise of goodness! I do not know why God makes us wait sometimes, but I do know that He can be glorified in the process and He WILL be glorified in the result. When we wait, our hearts break. Seasons of waiting need to be seasons of depending fully on God; we recognize our inability to control our lives and our immense need for the God that is in control of the universe. We recognize that even our best laid plans fall through but we serve a faithful, never-changing God whose plan always prevails. We understand that the thing we want is not what God wants for us, and we learn to be okay with that because He wants only good things for us. As we wait and lean fully on Him, we grow in our trust, in our faith, in our obedience, and He strengthens our hearts as He pulls us close. So, friends, if you are also in a season of waiting - take heart. It's hard now, but you are not alone, not forgotten, not forsaken. Look around - how can you serve God with what you have where you are while you wait? How can your waiting be used to glorify God, to bring you closer to Him? Reflect - are you leaning fully on Him, or are you trying to take matters into your own hands? God requires us to act, but He requires us to do so faithfully in obedience. Being content in waiting does not mean being lazy or naive - it means fully surrendering to God's will, and passionately pursuing what He has for us. When we are open to His direction, He opens doors - I fully believe that. Someone once told me, "our circumstances are not a surprise to Him." Take comfort in that, friends, as you wait. And find strength in your surrender - there is so much peace and so much passion in a full surrender. "Surrender takes a huge amount of control, of personal responsibility. It's not ignoring, or glossing over, or being naive. Surrender is a way to hold the tension between what you can do and what you can't do. It's to ask God the question, 'what's next?' and rather than waiting for an answer to drop out of the sky, live into the answer with our hands and feet and hearts." Lizzy Milani You know those times in life when you're just... tired?
The times when you drink too much coffee, and yet the energy doesn't come. You lay down for sleep and it comes quickly and leaves slowly, but still it never feels like enough? You know the times I'm talking about. We all have them. And well, friends, I am in the midst of one now. Every time I sit at my computer to do any type of meaningful work, my eyes get heavy and my attention span dwindles. It can be frustrating, but I am here to tell you (and myself) that it is fleeting. It will pass. Rest, friend. Your body is telling you something - listen to it. Rest your physical body, and turn to God to rest your heart. Chances are, these times come to you when you may be anxious or dealing with something. While I cannot give you a magic word to make your troubles go away, I can tell you about a wonderful God that cares for you. He calls for you to rest in Him; rest in His goodness. Spend some time in His word today, and then maybe take a nap. I have made many mistakes in my life, but there is one that has shaped my twenties. It is a mistake I have been making for years, and continue to make to this day - I find myself always waiting on happiness. Never content, always restless. I find myself feeling down at church when I see the happy young families, living a life I want so badly. I find myself losing heart as I shop for home decorations, thinking, oh when I have my own house, or oh when I live there... then I will create this space I love. An action dependent on something I am waiting for. I find myself applying for jobs, feeling so discouraged that none of them fit just right with what I want to do. Or other times they do but they don't work out. Or other times I have no idea what I want to do. I keep waiting for that to change. It's been years. My point is this - this discontent breeds unhappiness. I always have joy, I will always have joy - but peace? Forget about it. Let me make myself clear about a couple of things: 1) Discontentment is not always bad! It pushes us further, keeps us seeking, and takes us places God wants us to be! Restlessness for God is a beautiful thing. 2) This is not a pity post. My life is wonderful, and I am ABUNDANTLY BLESSED. I truly recognize this. Instead, this is about feeling that all is well even when all is just fine. I realize this is an incredibly personal struggle to be sharing - but I am not afraid to do so, because I know it is not a unique struggle. In fact, I would venture to say, almost every single person faces this struggle. If we do not talk about it, it is easy to feel isolated in our challenges. So, let's chat. Can you say all is well even when all is just fine? Like I said, I'm restless - always after something new. While this has lead me on wonderful adventures and to many wonderful people, the root of the problem is this: where am I searching for satisfaction? When I sit here in the midst of my blessings always looking for something else, it is not because I have my eyes on God. It is because I have my eyes on what I have been told will make me happy. The Lord places good desires on our hearts for a reason, and by all means, let's seek them! But if we are not careful, suddenly those desires from God start to outweigh our desire FOR God. God knew we would struggle with this - that is why in Matthew, Jesus says, "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all your desires will be given to you." It is easy to think this is God's promise of the good life. This is not provision Gospel. This does not mean that God gives us all that we want like our personal good-life genie. Instead, this is God promising that only He can provide the good life, and even better yet... HE WILL! He knew our earthly desires would let us down. Our relationships end. Our jobs are unfulfilling. God's provision, on the other hand, never ends; it never leaves us unfulfilled. It may leave us restless, as He urges us on to bigger and better things in the pursuit of His kingdom. But that is a beautiful restlessness. So my challenge for all of us is this, the next time we feel unhappy because we do not seem to have what we want, let us ask ourselves what it is we actually want. Then let's shift - keeping our eyes on God, constantly craving a closer relationship with Him, and being open to the provision and peace He provides, even if it looks differently than the way we expected it to. With God, there is no waiting on Happiness. He, alone, is all that is good. God promises that only He can provide the good-life. And even better yet... HE WILL! Is it just me, or does anyone else have a romanticized idea of what their walk with God should be like? I mean, we picture God doing big things in our lives - we picture Him leading us to the ends of the world, we picture Him using us to build His Church, and serve His Kingdom - and He most definitely will do those things (though they may not always be as extravagant as we once pictured them to be). What I am talking about this morning, though, is not the big stuff - it's the small stuff. I'm talking about our daily walks, our little acts of obedience, and the picture we get in our heads of what they should look like. Specifically, "quiet time." It's a phrase we hear often in the church; it's "Christian-ese" for reading your bible and spending time in prayer. Somehow, and I speak particularly for the ladies (though this may be true for the guys too - help me out if it is, fellas) it got morphed into this very specific idea of a very specific setting and a very specific time - and suddenly, this one picture of quiet time is the ideal way to be in the presence of God. With room for some variation based on your setting, the picture you have of quiet time in your mind is probably something like this: It's early morning, the world is quiet outside. You're sipping on a hot cup of coffee, in a cute sweater - cozy and warm, yet still stylish. Maybe you're on the sofa, or at your kitchen table, the lights are dim. And if it's raining, then hey - you've really hit the jack pot. Or maybe you're on the beach, looking out at the ocean, all you can hear is the waves, probably still drinking coffee because apparently that's what all Christians do now - I don't know exactly what it is for you. But regardless, you do. You have a picture in your mind of what your perfect "quiet time" would be. The reality is, though - our lives are not pictures in our mind, nor do they look like Instagram accounts or Pinterest pages. So we can get very discouraged when we are trying to create a scenario that is just not possible, and honestly, just not realistic for our lives (and probably not even the person who posted it on Instagram). We make our coffee, we bundle up, we open our bibles - we stage ourselves for our time with Jesus. Maybe we even take a picture or two, ready to share with your followers to show them how devoted of a Christian you are (just me? No?). I do this - almost every morning. I make my coffee and open my bible, just "knowing" that this is the way I get close to God. This morning, though, was different. I was so hungry after my morning work-out I could not wait to get some nourishment until after my "quiet time." I skipped right over coffee (don't worry, I came back for it later). Instead, I made my protein shake, sat on my bed, and opened my bible. I was not looking comfy cute, my hair was not perfectly curled or my teeth even brushed. I was not warming my hands on a hot mug, or listening to the rain fall outside. No, I was sweaty and sleepy, and literally gulping down a protein shake as I sat down to pray, and guess what - God still showed up. Why do we feel like we need to stage our lives with Jesus? Why do we feel like we need to have this or that figured out before we come to our Father. God does not say, "Get your setting right." He says, "Get your mind right." He says, "Get your heart right." Most importantly, He says, "Come. As you are, where you are, all the time - come." So ladies, I challenge you to be real with yourself today, and be real with God today. God shows up in our authenticity - do you? Last night, laying in bed, exhausted from the week, I could not sleep. Mind racing with worry about the future, heart breaking from remembering the past, I called out to God - "Lord, take this weight from me... it is getting too heavy," to which He promptly replied, "I am trying." The reason it is so heavy is because you won't let go. "My daughter," He said to me, "the reason it is so heavy is because you won't let go. You are still carrying everything you said you give to me - your fears, your sadness, your anxieties. If you would just let them go, I can make your burden light. Let them go, my daughter, and let me carry that weight. Let go and trust." How often do I lay my life at the foot of the cross at night, only to pick it back up in the morning. Okay, girl. You had a great Sunday, but then you let life stress you out and get you down. Give it to God!
Keep trying and keep trusting. It will work out; it always does. I know right now it feels hopeless, but one day you will look back and thank yourself for not giving up. You need to remember how far you've come - then you will get only a glimpse of how far God wants to take you yet. What did we talk about? One day at a time - a life is built piece by piece. So, please, breathe. Listen to God when He says He has big plans for you (yes, you!), good plans for His glory! He longs to use you; do not be discouraged. Keep trying and keep trusting. You've got this, girl - because He's got you. I was blessed with a wonderful earthly father. My dad has been one of my closest companions throughout my life, and one of my biggest influences as I have grown up. But as amazing as he is, I have an even more magnificent Heavenly Father – and so do you. The enormity of this truth I often forget. As a Christian, it is easy to say your prayers, addressing God as Father, thanking Him for your food, and saying amen. I am more than guilty of this – accepting Father as another way to address God in prayer, without realizing what that really means. The worst part is, I didn’t even know I was doing this. A few days ago, eating lunch with a wonderful person, we were discussing the power of prayer. Of course, I pray daily, and have always believed that prayer is an essential part of walking out a Christian faith – a method chosen by God for us to fully experience His presence and acknowledge our total dependence on Him. Growing up in the church I remember being told things like, “oh you can pray anywhere!” and “you should pray whenever you have any free moments,” in accordance with what the bible says: “pray without ceasing,” (1Thessalonians 5:17). In fact, one of my most vivid memories from Sunday School as a child was our message on prayer – our teacher was telling us that we can talk to God anywhere, any time. Some boy in the class raised his hand and asked, “Even when we are throwing up??” clearly thinking he was funny, trying to find a time when surely we could not be praying. On the contrary, though, our teacher responded straightly, “Yes. Even when you’re throwing up.” For whatever reason, that resonated in my 9-year-old brain, and has stuck with me since then. Armed with this teaching, I have spoken with God frequently, most often in my pajamas under my cozy blankets half asleep. Something changed in me recently, though. Suddenly, I became aware how inadequate I am before my God. I became aware how embarrassed I felt that I could speak to the Creator of the Universe in my pajamas. I felt a heavy guilt wash over me, one that interfered with my prayer life. I began to feel that my prayers needed to be formally worded, or at least I needed to be properly dressed to speak to my King. Though I firmly believe that when entering the presence of God there should be a sincere sense of respect, this guilt was hindering my relationship with God. Instead of making the effort to pray “properly,” I just stopped praying as often, and I definitely was not praying “without ceasing.” Which brings me back to my lunchtime conversation. Sitting across from my friend, I told him how I’ve been feeling. Weighed down in my feelings of inadequacy, I said to him, “who am I to come before God?” He looked at me in the eyes and without hesitation replied, “you’re his daughter.” A small comment of a truth of which he was so sure. A truth I had forgotten. Just typing this, my heart is full, and my eyes are filling with tears. There is no greater peace than this. "Who am I to come before God?" A daughter. His daughter. God’s child. That’s who I am. And it’s who you are too. I speak to my dad freely. I speak to my dad about my heartbreaks, my struggles, and my joys. I speak to my dad for comfort. I speak to him every day. And it’s okay to speak to my Father the same way. Yes, God is the Creator of the Universe. Yes, He is the One True King. But He is also our Father who loves us beyond comprehension. As my friend reminded me, “He sees you when you wake up in the morning with bed head,” there is no hiding your mess from God. Better yet, there is no need. Instead, “The Lord draws near to the brokenhearted,” (Psalm 34:18) and His “power is made perfect in weakness,” (2 Corinthians 12:9). The Lord does not require us to be blameless before speaking to Him, but instead makes us that way through Jesus. God longs to love us on the most intimate level, in a way in which He is constantly on our hearts, and in our minds. And though my dad may occasionally want me to stop talking so much, my Father says to never stop. He reveals Himself to us in prayer. He longs for us to come before Him in prayer. We are a broken people. I am a broken person. He loves me in spite of it, and He makes me perfect in His love. He is more than my King, He is my Father. And I am His daughter. In His presence, I will remain – messy hair and all. If I am being completely vulnerable, one of my most honest struggles is loneliness. My loneliness has caused me to jump from relationship to relationship, to always be longing for something else, to have trouble feeling content. But if I am being even more vulnerable, my loneliness is the worst when I'm single. Sometimes I have trouble knowing who I should be on my own, which is weird, because I am very confident in myself, and am always working towards further independence. I just like sharing life with someone, I always have. And there's nothing wrong with that. Except when there's no one to share life with. And though my current season of singleness was a choice I made and do not regret, it can make things tough sometimes - especially at the holidays. With loved ones getting engaged, sharing family Christmas cards, and posting about cozy nights, it's not hard to see why the holidays can be lonely. For others, the holidays are a reminder of a loved one that won't be joining the festivities this year. They can be a time in which we hold such high expectations of joy and love, that when they fall short, it can feel like we are the ones that fell short. I encourage you not to give into that false thought. It's hard. For me too, sometimes. Here are a few thoughts on ways to not let loneliness get the best of the most wonderful time of the year: 1. Write Christmas cards! Whenever I feel lonely, I find ways to give my love to the people in my life. Christmas is the perfect time for this! Take an afternoon to write cards for your loved ones - tell them how thankful you are for their friendship, remind them of your love. We don't do this enough. When you're lonely it can feel like you have no outlet for your affection - Christmas cards are a great way to express love to the people we often take for granted. 2. Turn off your phone! For real, turn it off. For a day. Or an hour. Whatever works for you. Get off social media, stop comparing your real life to the highlights people share. While we rationally know that the image people portray on social media is not reflective of their day to day actuality, it is easy to get caught up in believing that it is, which will only make you feel worse. So, instead of scrolling through a friend's Instagram, ask a friend to coffee. Catch up. Spend quality time together. 3. Get out of the house! Christmas is a great time to get cozy by the fireplace, but it's also a great time to get out into your city. With coffee shops being decorated and cozy, and Christmas lights illuminating neighborhoods, it barely matters what you do. Get out. Be around people. Appreciate the sights, and smells, and feelings of the holiday season - you only get one chance a year! 4. Whatever it is that makes you happy, do that. Read a book and drink hot chocolate. Listen to holiday music. Bake cookies. There is something about the Christmas season - normal activities just feel a little more... magical. Let that magic in! Whether you are by yourself or with a friend or family member, appreciate deeply the things that make you happy. And recreate the feeling as much as you need to (yes, that is permission to eat fresh-baked Christmas cookies every day for a month). 5. Focus on what you have, not what you do not have. This one's simple - a concept we should practice every day of the year. But it's easy to forget. Write down what you are thankful for. Take pictures of people you love. Journal. Sketch what makes you happy. Be intentional about what you give your attention to. 6. Lastly, accept your loneliness for what it is. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Accept it. Let it be. Then let it go. Pretending we don't feel something does not make us not feel it. In fact, it often makes us feel it more. If you need a few minutes to drink coffee and look out the window pensively, take them. Your feelings are valid - the lies they tell you are not. Know that you will be okay, you will feel happy, and you are loved. You are deeply, deeply loved - by friends, by family, and by Jesus - the One whom we are celebrating. Christmas is a beautiful holiday celebrating a wonderful savior, and we put a lot of pressure on it to be perfect and cheerful. But families are flawed, people are flawed, and our lives are flawed. We all struggle with loneliness sometimes. Don't be afraid to reach out to loved ones for support. Merry Christmas, everyone. Sending so much love to those to whom the most wonderful time of the year feels less than magical. I once read a quote that said: "that which you are most afraid to write, write that."
Well... this is that. There are a few topics I have some ideas about, but I can't bring myself to write just to write. I write because I have something to say. I write because I feel things, and I feel the need to share them. I write because my heart feels everything deeply... everything, and it needs an outlet. And this is it. I have lost a lot of relationships in my life - romantic, or otherwise. A lot of friendships have fallen apart, or drifted away. There are people I thought I could count on that let me down, and I know there are people that thought they could count on me, only to be let down. There are chapters in my life that have closed because I wanted them to, and others that were shut in my face. There have been things I wanted and people I've missed so deeply I could feel it in my bones. There are people I have hurt, and people who have hurt me. There are times I have been selfish, and others I have been giving. There are times I have been serious, and others I have just been having fun. I know, though, that no one's heart is an object to just have fun with. No one's heart deserves to be toyed with, including mine. While many relationships have ended, very few have ended explosively. Most have simply faded. Others... just weren't right. I have been reflecting on this quite a bit recently. I am grateful for the ones I love, and those who love me. We, as a culture, do not appreciate this enough. We do not appreciate time we have together enough, until we no longer have it. We do not appreciate the power of kind words until we no longer receive them. We do not appreciate the laughter, the love, the hugs until they fade away. Upon reflection, these are a few lessons I have learned from my broken relationships. 1. Be kind. 2. Let things go. 3. Linger. 4. Get off your phone. 5. Make time to do things. They are simple lessons. They are simple actions. But they are not ones we do. We are quick to pick fights when others don't see things our way. We are quick to get angry when our high expectations aren't met, and quick to forget the other person is just a person too. We are quick to hold on to this anger, and lose hours of time because of it. The energy we spend being angry is energy we cannot spend loving. The two cannot exist together. We are quick to be annoyed when someone acts differently than we do. We are quick to be irritated when someone cannot read our mind. We are quick to assume we are right. We always assume we are right. Sometimes we are. But the energy we spend being angry is energy we cannot spend loving. The two cannot exist together. We are quick to rush off, to do the next thing. We are quick to pay our bill and go to the movies. We are quick to clean the kitchen after a meal. We are quick to hang up the phone when the conversation runs dry. Linger a little longer next time. There is beauty in just being. There is joy in staying to finish your coffee. There is peace in stillness. We are quick to assume we will have time later to be together. That's the problem - we always think we have time. We spend our time together apart, with our heads in our phones. We lose so much time together even when we are together. We lose conversations. We lose time to linger. We lose that time. The worst part is, we choose to lose that time. We choose our phones over our loved ones. We are quick to assume we will have time later to be together. That's the problem - we always think we have time. We do not make an effort to experience things together. Life is made of experiences, and we actively choose not to pursue them. We miss out on memories to talk about for a life time. We must be intentional about making these memories. They are the glue that holds us. They are our reference point when things are going south. We are quick to assume we will have time later to be together. That's the problem - we always think we have time. We must love our loved ones. We must be intentional about loving our loved ones. Too many relationships end. Too many people fade away. Too many hearts break. We must love our loved ones. |
AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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