That's right, everyone - it's mid-September, and we all know what that means... Fall is right around the corner. The perfect time to Instagram leaves, drink a classic PSL, wrap up in blankets, and watch Hocus Pocus too many times to count. It's the time of the year we break out our brown lipstick, boots, and scarves. It's the season we pick apples, and pumpkins, and crack the window open to feel a slight breeze. It's when God reminds us He still loves us, and will deliver us from Summer (jokes :) ). It is, undoubtedly, the best time of the year. As I'm sure you've guessed by now, Fall is my absolute favorite season. It's one of the things I enjoy most about being alive. However, there is one aspect of Fall I think we could all do without: how comfortable we all are criticizing people for liking it. That's something I have never understood - why do you care so much that I enjoy a pumpkin-flavored hot beverage? I surely don't care that you don't. Why is it suddenly "basic" to wear a blanket scarf, since when everyone wears strappy sandals in the summer it's not basic then? I just don't understand - if you care enough to criticize what I enjoy, then is it really all that basic? Because let me tell you, us Fall loving girls don't criticize you for loving iced coffee in the summer, or a peppermint mocha at Christmas. I know, I know.... this is silly. It is. The concept, however, is not. It raises a serious question about our culture - why must we always feel the need to be superior, and why does criticizing others for their tastes make us feel as though we are? Have we really reached a point in evolution that we cannot let people just like what they like? If everyone likes it, and so it's "basic," it's probably because it's awesome. So, who really has the better taste here!? (again, jokes :) ) For real - let's let people like what they like. Not only that, but let's love them for it. Let's love each others quirks, and characteristics that make them them. Let's find joy in what makes our friends happy, even if we don't share the passion. Let's build each other up instead of putting each other down. Let's stop calling each other "basic." Come on, ladies, we can do better than this. The only reason you should be asking me if I like Pumpkin Spice Latte's is because you're at Starbucks and want to know if I want one. Let's transition from a culture of condescension to one of joy. Let people like what they like. It goes for the "basic" girls, the "nerdy" girls, the "sporty" girls. I think it's great that you love Star Wars, even though I don't. I think it's great that you love playing Basketball, even though I definitely don't. I love Fall, and that's okay too! What it comes down to is this - stop taking time out of your life to judge others for things that bring them joy, stop wasting your words on criticisms of beverages (but really anything that brings someone happiness). I am going to continue wearing riding boots, blanket scarves, and leggings while I sip a PSL and admire the changing leaves. And yes, I am probably going to post on Instagram about it. But I am so much more than that, and so are you. I have yet to meet a "basic" human being.
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I woke up this morning in an exhausted haze. Knowing I have 10000 things to do today, and every day, I got myself out of bed and.... that's about as far as I made it. I stood in my doorway, my mind running through my list of tasks, my eyes still half shut. After some contemplation about my next action, half asleep, I had two thoughts:
1. Coffee 2. Jesus (Order in no way representative of importance) And it occurred to me, those minutes I stood in a daze, unsure what to do first, unable to think straight is how I've been living my life lately. I don't know about you, but I go through these phases of being very diligent in my bible study, and then very lax. Though I know how important it is to spend time with God, I get so wrapped up in my own world - so many things to do, so tired, still need to work out, my favorite show is on, I've been wanting to read this book, and the list goes on and on. Needless to say, I have not been very committed to my walk with God lately, and that's just not fair - not to Him, and not to me. Because of it, I have been exhausted, trying to do this life by myself, pretending that I have it all under control, unsure what step to take next. Here's the truth - God will guide our steps, but we must do more than spend time with Him, we must MAKE time for Him. There's a difference. You see, when we decide we are going to "spend time with God," it's easy to make excuses not to. It's easy to put it off, and miss a day or two - which turns into a week or two, and before you know it it's been weeks since you prayed, or read your bible, and you've been making all sorts of life decisions on your own, which you are now coming to realize maybe weren't the best... but when we "make time for God," we are making a conscious decision to put God first. We are deciding that He is more important than other parts of our life, and we are actively choosing to follow His command. We are dedicating time to Him, by giving up whatever else we would have been doing. We are not letting the hectic times of life get in our way of learning, praying, and loving. We make time for what is important to us; we make time for our priorities. "Spending time with God" is passive, "Making time for God" is active. Don't live a passive life. Through Grace, we are forgiven for the times we write off God, but we are not excused. Look, I get it. Life is busy. God gets it too. That doesn't change the fact that God tells us to "delight in [His ways}," or "draw near" to Him. The Lord longs for us to spend time with Him, because He knows what is best for us. And it's true, maybe I won't have time to do my yoga this morning, or watching my morning news, because I decided instead to read and reflect on God's word, but I have to learn to be okay with that. God knows that the more time we spend in His word, and praying, and being near to Him, the better off we will be, the closer we will become to Him, the more our hearts will shift to be like His. And the less we make time for Him, we will not find that rest He has promised us, we will not know His promises, or His teachings, we will be more likely to walk into sin, we will be exhausted. Ask yourself, if someone watched your life, could they tell that God was important to you? It all comes down to this: if you aren't making time for God, then He isn't a priority. Harsh, but true. You put your favorite shows ahead of Him, or maybe it's a few more minutes of sleep, or whatever it is, you're telling God that it is more important than Him. Me too. The God of the universe wants to spend time with you, because He loves you. That should move you. We can't keep on living like we don't need Him, because we do. We can't keep on living like He doesn't care if we read our bibles, because He does. We can't keep on living like we have this all under control, because we don't. We must make God a priority. He pulls us out of half-awake haze, our stumble to pick our next move, our inability to rest. Not to mention, He deserves it. He is, after all, God. Like many others, I live a life of abundance. Even on my worst days, I have food to eat, somewhere to sleep, and a family that can support me. My lowest times in life have been the result of broken relationships with others, a problem I am lucky to call my worst. Though I am incredibly aware of my privelige and blessings, though I am incredibly aware of the hardships of those surrounding me - much more serious than mine, I struggle to be content. Always wanting more, or finding (see: creating) a problem, or focusing on what I lack, my heart is constantly uneasy. As a result of such, I am unable to channel my resources into helping others, or clear my heart so that it may be filled with empathy, and love. How spoiled am I to have a problem such as this. I write about this a lot - the need for clarity and peace, because, as a Christian, I stuggle with this a lot. After months of losing sleep, repeating prayers, and fixation on my issues, I have been feeling defeated. For weeks, though, the Lord has been whispering to me, "I am enough," to which my heart responds, "Only You, Lord." *Note that I did not say here that the Lord has been telling me, "You are enough." He has not, because I am not. And while that may be a cause of stress for some, I am learning to be okay with this. In the book of Luke, Jesus tells us: "It's trouble ahead if you are satisfied with yourself, for your self will not satisfy you for long." (6:25 MSG). This, the Lord has been showing me, is my problem. For far too long I have been relying on myself, often pleased with my work, instead of on Him. Daily dependence, even in abundance - that is the lesson my heart is learning. Throughout various seasons of my life, God has been teaching me daily dependence on Him, often when things are going wrong. It is not difficults to depend on God in the lows of life. It is a different beast altogether to conquer dependence in the highs. Therein this train of thought lies the problem. ...the Lord has not been telling me, "You are enough." He has not, because I am not. God has been clear in his instruction to consistently call on Him. Alone, I cannot master this. When I have it all, I create problems so that I may again feel comfortable calling out to God for help. When the Lord creates for me a life of satisfied needs, I dwell on those that are not, so again I feel the dependence and closeness of God. Certainly, though, this is not what God intended. Instead He longs for us to live a life of seemingly contradictory principles - content, and dependent. Throughout the Bible He promises a life in which our desires are met, as we delight in His ways (Psalm 37:4, among others). Seeing as my desires never seem to fully met, it would appear we have a problem. There are 3 things that could be going on here. 1) God has gone back on His word. 2) God is still in the process of meeting my desires. 3) I have not yet learned to lean fully on Him, in both good times and in bad. Knowing the first to be untrue (See Matthew 28:20), I fully believe it is not one of the others, but a combination of the two. Yes, He is still working on meeting my desires, because He is teaching me to reprioritize what it is I long for. He is teaching my heart to consistently whisper, "Only You," so that one day it may shout instead. As I grow frustrated with myself for my lack of gratitude, and lack of peace, He in return has amazing grace with me. He blesses me abundantly, and I do not recognize nor fully appreciate this - always looking for something to complain about. And still, He bestows on me patience, and love, and surely wonders why I am trying to make life harder for myself. It is okay to be happy with your life when things go right, this is what the Lord wants for us. In no way do I wish to sound ungrateful, nor do I claim to have a perfect life. Instead, I am simply trying to acknowledge that this season of my life is not a valley, but a mountain - a climb with a beautiful view. Though it will not stay as such forever, I long to appreciate it as it is now, and recognize that without God, it would not be possible. I did not create this mountain, but instead have been climbing it on the back of Jesus. For some of my blessings I have worked very hard, and some have been handed to me. All of my blessings, however, have come from God - as every good and perfect gift does (see James 1:17). Throughout my life, I have learned that other people will always fail you. It is a much harder lesson to learn that you, too, will always fail you. However, this is becoming abundantly clear during this time of immense blessing. Though I have more than I could need, I always long for more, or something else. As I struggle to grasp the truth that I will never be satisfied, I learn that I cannot provide this for myself. Instead - daily dependence. God is teaching me that even when I have it all, I still need Him as desperately as when I have nothing. He is still God, always in control. He is the one who blesses us, and provides for us. Through Him, we have we all we need - even when it feels like we have nothing, and even when it feels that we have given ourselves everything. He is enough, not I, nor you. Without Him we are nothing, but with Him we are whole. Humility, gratitude, dependence. He has been trying to teach me this for as long as I can remember, longing for me to hear Him. I have not heard Him, because I have not been listening. I am listening now. It's been a year since I began working with HIV. For a year I have surrounded myself with those either already affected or at high - risk. Though I tend to pride myself on my empathy, I realize now that I have continuously fallen short. I realize now that while I was too busy praising myself on a job well-done, I missed the point. I realize now that while I was listening, and loving, there was so much more that I could and should be doing. I realize that now, because I realize what my Lord Jesus did. This year has been a year of growth. When I began, I was detached and uncomfortable. As I progressed in my job, I began putting faces and names to statistics. I learned stories, and backgrounds. I developed relationships with young men who looked nothing like me, with lives nothing like mine. As I did, I learned something: though we come from incredibly different places, we are not that different at all. Their stories are different than mine, but their hearts are not. They long for love, or fun, or happiness, or companionship, just like me. Though it has been months since I began delivering HIV test results, I got tested myself for the first time just yesterday. It's been months that I have been working with people to reduce risk, and preparing them for their results. It's been months since I have been encouraging people to keep up the good work, or breaking the news that we will need to get them connected to care. My heart has broken for these people. I have shed tears. I have lost sleep. My prayers have been for them. But I now know that I was not even close to understanding them. As I sat in that chair, arm out, blood being drawn, my heart was racing. It was then I realized, the greatest education in the world is nothing compared to truly living a life outside of your own. ...though we come from incredibly different places, we are not that different at all. Never did I ever foresee myself doing this work, with these people, in this place. Moreso, never did I ever foresee myself loving it. But I do, and that is why I must acknowledge my privilege. Being a white, heterosexual female, I am at a relatively low risk for HIV. Being educated, I am the one that teaches others - a place of power and authority I do or do not deserve, as I am completely detached from the community. I, being incredibly priveliged due to circumstances completely out of my control, will never fully understand the population I work with... ever. That is why acknowledging privilege is the first step to true, deep, empathy. My life is separated from theirs. It was separated from the students I worked with last year, and the young mothers I served before that. I am mentioning these not for praise for working in tough situations, but to point out this truth: empathy is a process. Sympathy is quick, empathy takes time. Sincere empathy begins with acknowledging privilege, but does not end there. Sincere empathy requires conversations - not just service. It is easy to go to our local food bank and bag groceries. It is easy to call a number on TV, or drop some money in the offerring basket at church. But we must do more than that. Those are not bad things, but they cannot be our only things if we want to live truly love our neighbors, if we want to truly love "the least of these." This, friends, is not a new idea. This is not a call to action from me. This is not revolutionary, nor is it unique to the Christian life. However, for believers, this call to true empathy and service is also this: For anyone who claims to follow Jesus, this is not optional. And that is why we must try harder, Christians. We must go further, deeper, and longer than we ever have. We must enter into circumstances outside of our own, we must get uncomfortable, we must stop accepting a life of anything less. Don't take my word for it; take Jesus'. Jesus, one with the God of the Universe, humbled himself. He came to earth, and he ate with sinners. He got his hands and feet dirty, and loved those who did not look like him. He spoke with the samaritan woman. He had dinner with tax collectors. He had compassion for prostitutes, and stood in the way of a lawful stoning for a woman he did not know. These are stories we know, but they are stories we take for granted. We grow up hearing these truths about Jesus, and we use them to talk about how great he is. Well, friends, that's not why He came. Jesus came to love people, and save us from our sins, yes - but He also came to show us how to live. Through Him, the old law was abolished, and we no longer had to guess the ways to please the Father. Christian (def.) - Christ follower. Not Christ lover, Christ admirer, Christ's cheerleader. Though a life of following Jesus may include those things, that is not what you are solely called to be. This, friends, should make you uncomfortable. It should make you uncomfortable if all of your friends look like you. It should make you uncomfortable if your favorite pastime is going to Starbucks to gossip in the name of prayer requests. It should make you uncomfortable if the last time you practiced true service for someone who is less priviliged than you is too long ago to remember. God did not leave us hanging; He told us what to do, and we must do it. We must develop an empathy so strong it drives us to action. We must acknowledge that we come from a place of privilege - one in which we often do not have to fear for our lives because of our faith, or worry about food on the table because of our jobs. And then we must, must, must, serve. And we must, must, must love. It begins with conversations. Educate yourselves, and then go talk to people. I promise, you will learn that even those you have deemed unworthy of your money, or your time, because "they should have just worked harder," or you "don't agree with their lifestyle choices," are, of course, worthy of your love. I, in no way, am saying I have this mastered. I have a long way to go, learning new things every day. Empathy takes time. It is a form of growth that will challenge you, and require work. It will not happen over night. It will not come from a place of superiority, one where you believe you will save anyone. That is the Lord's job, just as it is his job to judge and redeem. Our job is to love - a true, deep, empathetic, service oriented love. It must drive all we do. You call me a "snowflake" as you laugh at my "safe space."
You write me off as a "bleeding heart," and scoff while you dismiss my empathy. I must not know about the real world because I am *whisper* a liberal. I must have no idea what it's really like out there. I must be childish. But you don't worry, I'll "grow out of it." You call me a snowflake. But I've been called worse. You call me a snowflake because I am delicate, unable to handle the hard realities of the world, though I spend my days with the oppressed. You say I am out of touch with reality, as I spend years of my life in an education dedicated to the lives of people - people who don't like me, or speak like me, or live like me... or you. Well I'm just spoiled, I suppose - so willing to raise taxes and spend more so others can have it. That just must be because I've never worked a day in my life, though my work days are long, and heavy. As I spend my days with those who cannot afford healthcare, learning their stories, their names, you call me entitled. As I spend my days loving people, children, adults, who face the burden of racism, sexism, classism, and all other forms of discrimination, you call me out of touch with reality. Born with a privelige I did not earn, I spend my days learning and serving those who have not been so fortunate - those with names, and families, and struggles I could never comprehend, and I wager that you could not either. Young, liberal - so intolerant. How dare I speak out against those who believe some lives are more valuable than others - shameful, really. How dare I not sit and listen to you tell me only some are worthy of healthcare, housing, and food. Go ahead, call us snowflakes. We don't mind - snowflakes, while beautiful individually, come together and make change. They shut things down. They cause trouble. They cannot be ignored. Snowflakes are powerful. I feel like I'm always praying for clarity. Whether it's my career, my relationships with others, or anything in between - I am constantly asking for clarity. Yet, it rarely comes. When I was a senior in college, closer to God than I had ever been, I was faced with a big decision. I was blessed enough to have two amazing possibilities in front of me, but had no idea which one to choose. So I made pro/con lists, I looked into costs, and I prayed and prayed and prayed. I did all these things in search of one thing: a clear answer. Which path do I choose God? What do I do? I would journal, I would pray, I would read my bible - just longing for God's answer. I needed a clear "choice 1" or "choice 2." I needed to be TOLD what to do. That clear answer never came. And here I am yet again - worrying about choices I do not yet have to face, just waiting for God to be straight with me. I pray consistently for clarity, and for courage to follow His lead once He does speak to me. Though I pray every day for this, I still wait. And I get discouraged, and overwhelmed. Can you not hear me, God? Why are you not answering me? I begin to try to make my choice on my own - feeling alone in my decision, the burden incredible. Upon reflection of my disappointment, something occurred to me: I expect God to act the way I want Him to, and get frustrated when He does not. But God...is God. He is not human, and he is certainly not my own personal clarity vending machine. No, His nature is so much greater than that. But God...is certainly not my own personal clarity vending machine. My God may not answer me in the format I wish of Him, but He always hears me, and He always answers. He answers in ways like, "In all ways God works for the good of those who love Him," (Romans 8:28) and "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" (Matthew 6:26). He answers in ways like, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34). His answer is ever the same. His answer is always, "trust me." Easier said than done, I know. So what do we do? Wait for things to just fall in our laps, complacent in our uncertaintly? Surely not. Instead, we do what we are instructed to. Instead of worrying about what we do not know what to do, we keep following God in the ways we do know - by praying, by serving, by loving. We let God direct our footsteps today, confident He will guide our path tomorrow - we keep our eyes "fixed on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith," (Hebrews 12:2). As Luke says, "Whoever is faithful in small things is also faithful in much." (Luke 16:10). His answer is ever the same. His answer is always, "trust me." We do this in faith, "being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus," (Philippians 1:6). And we know we can, because "God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline," (2 Timothy 1:7). It's all we can do - trust God today to take care of tomorrow. Let God guide our steps today, constantly pursuing what is just and holy. Taking it one step at a time, if you will, knowing that God will be with us at each one. Our human nature struggles with this. We want to be in control, we want to know what's going to happen next - that's where our faith comes in. If it were easy, everyone would do it. As C.S. Lewis once said, “I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity.” The Lord does not call us to a life of comfort, but of growth. And I am learning to accept this may be a season in which I grow, in which I surrender my desire to be in charge to the King that is, in which I realize that I cannot figure it out on my own, nor do I want to. This is my season of growth, and maybe it's yours as well. May we ever be in excited anticipation of what's to come, knowing the Lord will always be good to us. I need to apologize. I need to apologize to all the girls I have called vain because they posted a selfie. I need to apologize to the ones where I've written them off as insecure, or desperate for attention, or worse. And I need to apologize to all women, for playing into a dialog in which women are yet again not celebrated. Friends, I have had a change of heart, and I am ashamed I ever felt differently. Maybe I didn't understand. Or, more likely, maybe I was jealous. I was jealous of the comments, or the confidence, or the looks. I was self-righteous, ready to look down on and judge any woman who decided it was necessary to post selfie after selfie. Deciding I was better than them, because I didn't need to do that to feel beautiful, I went on with my life, holding myself on my invisible self-given, and unearned pedestal - and for that I am truly sorry. Instead, I should have been contributing to the movement of women celebrating themselves, and other women. In a society like ours, it can be hard to catch a break - we're never this enough, or that enough - too this, not enough that. As women, it feels like we can never win. So, why then, when a girl is feeling herself and wants to share her look with the world, are we so quick to judge and dismiss it? We can't be doing this, ladies. Selfie-culture is one in which we have the opportunity not only to grow as individuals (because let me tell you, it takes some guts to put pictures of yourself on the internet), but also collectively. Thanks to social media and the internet, we have been given this new chance to publicly celebrate one another, and build eachother up. The media, the fashion industry, men, all tell us we aren't good enough. It's time we tell them we are. It's time we fight back and say, hey, look at me, I look good and I know it. It's time we tell them they can't make us feel bad about ourselves anymore - this is us, and we're proud of it. It's time we stop judging other girls for their selfies, but cheer them on instead. Maybe selfie-culture breeds vanity, but maybe that's not so bad. It's about time women start feeling happy with their looks, and it's about time we start feeling happy for them. The jealousy, the pettiness, it's gotta go - those are toxic to the mission of creating a culture in which we celebrate eachother. We need eachother, ladies. Let's cheer eachother on, instead of tearing eachother down. They all tell us we aren't good enough. It's time we tell them we are. It's time we fight back and say, hey, look at me, I look good and I know it. It's time we tell them they can't make us feel bad about ourselves anymore - this is us, and we're proud of it. Lady friends, you are beautiful. You deserve to be told that. You deserve the space to be free to celebrate yourself. It's healthy; it's necessary.
Join me on a journey in which we say, #Ilovemyselfie. We are beautiful. And we are not ashamed to think so. It's Easter Sunday, and I think we need to talk about this.
As I have been studying my bible, and reflecting on this story of Easter these past few days, God consistently reminds me of his amazing grace, and amazing power. I am in love with the story of Easter, because I am in love with Jesus. For non-believers, or luke-warm believers even, it's tempting to say that Easter is a good story, maybe even a little odd. A man dying and rising again to save us from our sins, which separate us from an unseen God? I get it. It sounds a little wacky. Which, I think, is what makes it all the more beautiful. Easter relies on Faith. Simple as that. While there are historic pieces of writing which document Jesus' death and appearance afterwards, it can be a little tough to wrap your head around. And I believe God intended it to be that way. It's a demonstration of power, the likes of which we have never seen. The Lord longs for our hearts to trust Him as children do (Matthew 28:3). The Lord longs for us to read His word, meditate our hearts on it, and rely on faith for that which our human brains cannot quite comprehend. The Lord Jesus died for our sins, and He longs for you to believe that. But it gets more beautiful - though the story of Easter relies on faith, God does not leave us to find this faith for ourselves. Instead, Jesus lies it out perfectly through His lifetime. Through His miracles and teachings, Jesus demonstrates his power, and His credibility. What He says comes to pass always - we have a foundation on which to take Him at His word. Not to mention the Lord God has shared with us the entirety of the teachings of the Old Testament, all of which lead to Jesus (Luke 24:25-27). God does not leave us to fend for ourselves. We have His teachings, and we have His spirit living within us. The more time we spend in our bibles and in prayer, the more He reveals to us the true magnitude of the beauty of Easter. But here's what really gets me - Easter is the culimination of our Faith, correct? The entire old testament, all of the gospels - everything leads up to this moment when Jesus, because of His love for us, defeats sin and conquers worldly death. It's what they (and we) had all been waiting for - perhaps the most selfless act of love and sacrifice, one which altered the course of our History, and literally allows us to spend eternity with the Father (Ephesians 1:7), but it's, what... 2 pages? Of the entire bible, the holy crucifiction and resurrection is just the short little blurb at the end of the gospels. What a beautiful act of humility - one in which God places the emphasis on supporting His claims through stories of good works and teachings, so we need not much more for Easter. This was Jesus' purpose on Earth, the one which the ENTIRE bible leads up to, and just like that, it's over. He gave us no more than what is necessary, so that our hearts could learn to take what He has aleady given us and trust Him more. (also, shout out to God for using women in His great purposes (Luke 24:1-3)! They were the first ones to find the empty tomb, an act that completely defies cultural norms, and represents the inclusion God has for women in the church. They came to honor Him, and through that all women were honored in return.) Here's the thing: if you do not believe in Jesus, or His mighty works and love, Easter is not going to blow you away. But if you do, it should. The one true God came to earth, lived a sinless life, yet was pierced for OUR transgressions, so we may spend eternity with our Heavenly Father (Isaiah 53:5). The wages of sin is death, the bible is clear about that. Jesus paid that price for us. And that is amazing. So let's not take this for granted. Let's spend more time in His word, reading what He has to say, listening as He speaks to our hearts. Let's not get caught up in the tradition of Easter that we forget the beauty of it. Easter is a beautiful time - one full of grace and mercy, as well as love and power. For the sacrifice we honor today, let us all be consistently grateful. 5 short words. 5 seemingly harmless words. 5 deceitfully damaging words. We say them when we are trying to be playful, or flirty even. We say them on dates, we say them over the phone. We say them because we are trying to be humble, or cute, or make the other person feel good, or a multitude of different things women have to try to be and do. And we need to stop saying them. Now. "You're too good to me." I want all the ladies to take a minute and think about the last time they said these words, or almost said them. Mine was today. When my boyfriend complimented me. "What a humble, playful response," I thought initially. But I want you to think about that. And I want you to think about the situations in which you've said it.... Truly, truly think about it. My partner of a year complimented me, something a partner should do, something which he does every day. And what is my response...? You're too good to me?? WHAT. This phrase is harmful in so many ways, and here's why: 1. It discredits your value to the other person. When someone does something nice for you, and you say something like, "you're too good to me," you are inadvertently telling them that you are not worthy of what they are doing - that you do not deserve their affection. Of course this may not always seem like what is happening, because its effects may not be seen immediately, or ever in a direct way, but responding in this manner creates an environment in which you have put yourself below not only the other person, but below the line of being worthy of their love. Let me tell you, sister, you are more than worthy of their compliments, and gifts, and affection. You are not lesser, and you are not undeserving. Don't present yourself that way. 2. It discredits your value to yourself. Additionally, you are not only telling the other person that you are not worthy, you are telling yourself. And though you may write this off as just something you say, not something you mean, when you hear something enough times - you believe it. That's science. If you are constantly living in a reality in which you tell yourself that you are lesser, it's a slippery slope before this sentiment creeps into your every day life and soon becomes something even you believe sometimes. Ladies, we struggle enough with others telling us we aren't good enough - don't be one of those voices. In the same way we should be lifting others up, we must also encourage ourselves, and believe in ourselves. We are our biggest cheerleaders - don't discredit yourself. 3. It furthers society's misguided view on women. It's unattractive to be "full of yourself," or "being humble means never flaunting your strengths" - things we hear all the time, if only in our own brains. Such an ingrained part of our culture - women MUST be humble, and humility is... frankly, never accepting a compliment. Come on girl, when someone tells you that you look beautful in a picture, chances are you already know or you wouldn't have posted it. Someone brings you a surprise coffee or cookie, well that was a nice thing for them to do and they just made your day. Tell them that. Don't pretend that you don't know when you're looking good, or doing good, or feeling good. It's okay to say... drumroll please... a simple, "thank you." Obviously, you (most likely) were not intending these things when you said those words, nor are you a bad person because you did. But we need to examine this. Why is our first response one that makes us seem smaller, and unworthy of being loved the right way? Why is our so-often-go-to playful response one that inhibits ourselves from seeing our own value? Because we have been conditioned to think that way, and we have been wrongfully made to believe that it's okay. Our avoidance of the "Thank you" is toxic to our relationships and ourselves. It interferes with others' comfort levels in loving you the way they have been trying to. It makes the actions, or words, seem unappreciated and unnecessary while providing an ego boost that is severely misplaced. Here's the hard truth - people who love you should be nice to you. They do not deserve to be put on a pedestal for that. And a kind "thank you" demonstrates that you acknowledge their kindness, and that it is appreciated. It places value on their action, without taking value away from yourself. Look, ladies, I know you didn't mean harm when you said it. And I don't blame you. I get it, I have to actively stop myself from saying it. But let's shift. Let's be intentional with our language. Let's be intentional on creating a culture that not only recognizes women but values them. And let's start with ourselves. So the next time someone does something nice for you, or says something nice about you, or whatever it is it may be - try "thank you." And see your world shift from one in which you tell yourself that you are unworthy of affection, to one that you see your value, and are unashamed to acknowledge that, all the while loving the other person back through the acknowledgement of their kindness. People who love you should be nice to you. They do not deserve to be put on a pedestal for that. Let me set the scene for you: Run-walking through downtown, trying not to be late. Heels. Professional clothes. Temperature just warm enough to create that slight layer of sweat on skin, that slight "I've been outside" smell. Ready to sell just why I am the best candidate for the job.
PIctured above is a true story of my hot mess of a life, on my way to an interview for a dream internship. I've been applying to jobs for months. I've been getting rejected from jobs for months. There were days I would cry and cry, so disheartened. There were days I accepted the belief that I just wasn't good enough. But I had decided back in January that this would be the year I put myself out there and go for it. This would be the year, if nothing, I tried. So, I kept trying. And I kept failing. Until I didn't. Though my hands were clammy, my hair frizzy, and feet blistered, I went into that interview with my head held high and resume in hand. I went in ready to give it my all. I went in ready to show the very best version of myself. When I got the job, though, my confidence dropped. Suddenly, I was so sure I was going to fail. I was so sure I would disappoint them and myself. I was so sure that I was, in fact, not good enough. And then a few days ago I had to drive a big Uhaul van (something I never ever want to do again btw). As I was driving down the road, knuckles white from gripping the wheel do tightly, I kept saying to myself "visualize success." Because I knew that was the only way I could do it - picture what it looks like to succeed, then make that picture the reality. That stuck in my mind a while, and I got to thinking - there's no reason I can't do that with my internship as well. If I can drive a van full of stuff to the other side of town, I can pull off an internship. The message in my head soon shifted to: "I can. I will. I did." Picturing success. I can do this, so I will do this. And eventually, I did do this. I wrote this 3 sentence saying on a sticky note and posted it above my desk, ready to take on the project set before me. Every time I looked at my little note, the Lord kept whispering in my heart one verse: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13) I was right. I can do this. But it is because He can do this. I was right, I will do this. But it is because He will do this. And I was right, eventually I will say I did do this, but it is because He has already done this. Throughout the bible, God reminds us that we are never alone. Though we often quote those inspiring words for friends who are heartbroken, or when our lives are a mess, they ring true on our good days too. The are true when we don't get what we want, and they are equally as true when we do. Those weeks I spent struggling, I was not alone. And just because that struggle is over now, that does not mean the Lord leaves. That's the beautiful thing - He is always with us. Not just when we fail, but when we succeed. He walks beside us, he goes before us and clears our path. (Isaiah 45:2) We can because He can. He has already overcome the world. He will not leave us to fight for ourselves. So whether you are at home crying into a box of tissues, or sitting around a kitchen table unsure how you're going to make ends meet, or you just got something wonderful and you're not quite sure if you can actually live up to expectations, remember, you are not alone. You are never alone. "To the very end of age," you are not alone. You can because He can. You will because He will. And One day, you'll say "I did," because He already has. So keep your head up. Keep fightin' the good fight. You've got this - because He's got this. |
AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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