I love October. I really do. October brings pumpkins, chilly nights, chili, cozy nights in, and scary movies. It brings some of my fondest memories growing up, and a feeling of comfort as you cuddle up in a sweatshirt and blanket. This year October brings trips to Los Angeles to see my boyfriend and friends who I've missed dearly. It brings friend's weddings, and another trip home to to see my family. But it also brings mid-terms. It brings tests, and papers, and pressure. It brings lots of coffee and stressful nights. It brings hard work and maybe some stress tears (okay, definitely some stress tears. Already.).
In seasons of life like these, I'm very clearly reminded of my weaknesses - as student, yes, but mainly as a Christian. As someone who claims to put all of their trust in God, and find their identity through Christ alone, I do seem to stress a lot. Growing up in the church, you're constantly told things like, "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts..." (Colossians 3:15), and "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matthew 6:27) and "The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still," (Exodus 14:14). And those are just a few. Through out the entire bible the Lord is calling us to trust in Him. But it's more than trust, He is calling us to rest in Him. And that is where I find my difficulty. Tough emotional time? Sure, I can trust God. Can't find a job? Yep, it'll be alright. But when it comes to things that are affected by how hard I work (my grades, for example) I just can't seem to get it right. I'm constantly torn between work work work and "you need to rest, it will be okay." And usually the "work work work" side wins, and morphs into "Stress stress stress." And I can't figure out just how I am supposed to be resting in God, when I know that my effort directly impacts my outcome. Last night I was journaling and this thought just kept coming to my mind. This struggle between, do I find my identity in my success or God? Are they mutually exclusive? What is this balance and how can I rest when I have so much to do? So I journaled and I prayed, and eventually fell asleep without coming to the answer to these questions. And this morning I almost didn't go to church. "I have too much to do," I told myself. But I heard a little voice inside me saying, "Go, Rebecca. Trust me." So I rolled myself out of bed, already an hour behind schedule, pulled my hair back and went on to church. I was happy to be there, sure, but I had so much to do... I kept thinking I should have just stayed home. And then the pastor's wife gets on stage, and she is about to pray for us but before she does she stops and says, "I feel like some of you in here need rest. You've forgotten what it means to rest in God, and I pray that you find it." And I looked up, and just sat there, knowing that was meant for me. So we prayed, and throughout the morning worship and prayer a thought kept coming to me - "humble yourself before the Lord, that is how you find rest." And so I prayed for humility, I prayed for a heart that sees God before all, through all, and in all. I prayed for guidance on humbling myself before the Lord. Though I am still learning what this means, I know that it is what God wanted me to hear. At the end of the day, it isn't my grades that are important. It isn't my success that is important. It is that God is glorified, and He is when we work with all of our hearts for Him. The bible even says, "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as if you were working for the Lord, not for human masters," (Colossians 3:23). And there was my answer, "humble yourself before the Lord, Rebecca. Work for His glory, not your own." My prayer is that I can keep my heart focused on this truth as I enter this stressful season, and that you can as well - whatever it is that you're going through that is causing you to lose rest. Because when the disciples were on the boat with Jesus, and it was storming and they cried out to Him, "Lord, help us we're going to drown," He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" (Matthew 8:26). He will never let us drown.
1 Comment
Stacey Vandas
10/3/2016 11:57:37 am
Love love love this! So great to read your thoughts and stay connected to you through your blog, and to see how God is calling you closer to Him! love youuuuuu
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AuthorHello! I'm Becca -humanitarian, caffeine addict, lover of books, people, and all things Jesus. You can find me in my pajamas, day dreaming about rainy days and saving the world. Archives
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